Mediocrity

To the One I Used to Call "My Everything"

To the person I used to call "my everything",

They say that when you think of someone, that person also thinks about you. I've spent countless nights thinking about you,
wondering if you ever think of me, too. But odds on you're not.

And that's okay.

I've accepted the fact that once we're done, I never crossed your mind again.

The moment I lost you, I thought I lost myself, too. Because you were the one that completed me.

I was an unsolved puzzle with one piece missing until you came into my life.

You were my world.

The hub of all my thoughts.

My everything.

I loved you with all I've got. Because I practice giving the kind of love I want to receive from other people. You have your own ways of loving but at least, you tried to give me your all, too.

Until everything went half-way.

I'm sorry but I will never understand how this loving half-way works. And I never will. Won't practice it, either.

I cried buckets of tears, drank buckets of beers with you on my mind. I had a hard time accepting everything. I begged. I chased. I was crazy.

They all thought it was stupid to still want you despite the damage you did to me. But I didn't care. Because I loved you and it was you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

But not anymore.

You're gone and enjoying your life now. The stupid me is gone as well. The crying, the drinking, the thinking, at one point, just stopped. For I realized that 'you' were not the end of 'me'. I still have 'me'. I didn't like where I was so I decided to move. When you said 'goodbye', you just let other people say 'hi'. And I can say 'hi' back if I want to. But I don't want to. Not now, anyway. Not because of you. Not because I am still in love with you. But because I am not yet ready. Again. 

I'm busy with something actually-- loving myself. I realized that I have to love me the way I loved you. And I'm feeling better now. I sometimes still think of you but the pain wasn't there anymore.

I remember you. I remember how you loved me. I remember it all, both good and bad. But I don't feel the pain I used to feel while walking along that memory lane before.

I guess acceptance comes with freedom. I have freed myself from all the pain I felt. I have freed myself from the cage I myself made because I used to believe there was still a chance you could be in there again with me. Yes, acceptance comes with freedom.

Thank you for all the memories.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Thank you for all the lessons.

I'm happy now.

And whatever you're doing with your life now, please know that I'm happy for you.

You are a good person and I hope you'll stay that way.

I guess all I have for you now is gratitude.

Again, thank you.

For everything.