That's why I..

Chapter Six

Lexa POV

I sit with Clarke on the floor, cradling her to keep her warm. Her breathing is slow and labored. Indra walks in after who knows how long and addresses Octavia first. I'd forgotten Octavia was here.

"Octavia, even if you take the fastest horse we have you may not make it back to Arkadia by dawn. I have organised to have a messenger ride with you to ensure your safety until you get within the walls. You must leave now" Indra says to Octavia matter of factly.

"I'm not going anywhere" Octavia replies. It is at this moment that I pull my eyes away from Clarke for the first time. Octavia is crying too.

"Octavia I know Clarke is your friend and you would like to wait to see if she is okay. I am officially inviting Octavia kom Skaikru to stay in Polis as my guest, under my protection from the kill order" I mange to stumble out the words.

Indra seems satisfied with this formality and turns to talk to me next.
"Heda. You need leave this room. I'm sorry but you have been here all night. You have a meeting with the ambassadors of the 13 clans to speak about the blockade on Arkadia this morning and I don't think you've slept let alone eaten today."

Crap! I've been sitting here all night. I'm not ready to leave Clarke yet though. But my duty is important and if I let Clarke over rule that Titus will be right.

I begrudgingly get up and bend down to pick up Clarke to move her onto the bed but the fatigue from my fight with Titus and sitting on the floor sobbing all night takes over and I cannot lift her even an inch. Indra notices that I am struggling and comes over and lifts up Clarke effortlessly, placing her delicately on the bed. I go over and put the furs over up to her shoulders and kiss her on the forehead. Memories of the last time I did this flood back and I am content but these memories are soon darkened by what happened next. I can hear the knife, I remember the look on her face, the words she said to me, everything. I think I'm going to be sick.

"You are looking rather pale Heda. Would you like me to postpone the meeting?" Indra says quietly with a worried look on her face.

"No" I say much to Indra and Octavia's surprise.

"Hodnes nou laik kwelness (love is not weakness)" I continue "If I postpone the meeting the ambassadors will see my feelings for Clarke as weakness. I cannot let Titus win"

Indra nods and gestures for me to go and freshen up. I agree willingly, flicking one last look at Clarke before I go.

"I will go and show Octavia to her room and meet you at the throne room for the meeting" Indra yells before exiting the room. I make a mental note to go and see how Octavia is doing after the meeting.

I grab my clothes and armour and decide I am going to get changed in the sleeping quarters so that I can see if Clarke needs me.

I get dressed and put on my war paint, this is not a nessecity for a meeting with the ambassadors but it makes me feel strong and powerful so I put it on anyway.

As I leave my bedroom to go to the meeting I speak to the guard outside in trigedasleng, telling him that Clarke is in there and if she wakes or looks like she needs anything at all to come and get me immediately, even if I am still in the meeting. I also let him know that I will be stopping in at Octavia's room before heading back so I may be there instead.

The meeting is long and winded and I do not think I paid very much attention at all. My mind kept wandering off to Clarke and hoping she is okay. Octavia was rattled and very willing to accept when I said to come by my room anytime to talk or see Clarke.

Now I am back in my room it is almost nightfall. Meetings with the ambassadors only rarely take all day but today the blockade was the subject and it was crutial everyone was on the same page before the meeting could conclude.

I am exhausted and when I get back to my room I remember that Clarke is in my bed. I do not want to disturb her so I pull up a chair from the living quarters and place it next to Clarke. I take Clarke's hand in mine and fall asleep willingly.