That's why I..

Chapter Thirty Five

Clarke POV

I do not remember much after sobbing in Lexa's arm but I think I must have passed out or fallen asleep because the next thing I know I am on horseback leaning up against someone, whose arm is around my waist to keep me from falling off while I was unconscious. I am exhausted and my eyes refuse to open to see who I am pressed up against but a familiar scent soon overcomes me and I know exactly where I am. Lexa's beautiful aroma surrounds me and I know I am in the arms of the woman I love. I am safe. She told me so and I'm sure she'll never let me forget it.

I am still only half awake and still exhausted so instead of trying to open my eyes, I listen to what the others are talking about quietly, so as not to wake me clearly.

"What are we going to do when we get to Polis?" I hear Murphy's voice mutter

"Do you think she needs to see a doctor?" I hear Octavia's voice chip in to the conversation. I am glad she didn't hold a grudge on me about the blockade. I think Lexa trusts Octavia. I have often thought about making her my seken (second) but I do not have a high enough rank yet to need a seken, even if I am Seken Heda.

"I think she need to eat first." Raven says "Or does she. Would eating now after not eating for so long be bad" Raven is right. I need to eat. I haven't eating a thing in three weeks. This means that I am incredibly hungry and therefore may gorge myself on food. If I gorge the food I'll most likely vomit and that would not be good.

It is clear that noone in the group knows the answer. I feel Lexa sigh beneath me and I sense her staring down at me. This theory is confirmed when our horse quickly turns to obviously avoid a tree as she hasn't been watching where she is going. She speaks quietly so she doesn't wake me but still loud enough for the others to hear "I don't know." Lexa's voice is coarse like she hasn't used it in a while. No. Not like she hasn't used it in a while, like she's been crying. But Lexa never let's herself show emotions in front of anyone that isn't me. And she just admitted she does not know something. She must really upset. "I don't know if Clarke should see a healer or eat first. I don't know if eating would be detrimental. I don't know. What I do know is Chancellor Pike has hurt the love of my life and his death was far to quick. We should have punished him more." I stiffen at Pike's name and Lexa automatically tightens her grip around my waist and kisses the back of my head. She hums a song softly and it calms me down slightly. I let myself sink into the warmth of Lexa's body on mine and focus on just Lexa's arm around my waist, who's thumb is now rubbing small circles on my stomach and the tune Lexa is humming. I am soon lulled back off to a much needed sleep.