Reality Ruined My Fantasties

Day Seventeen

Dear Reader,

What if, one day, I left a note that went something like this:

Dear Family and Friends,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've made a mess of things. I'm sorry about this. But I had to get away. I had to stop playing this cruel game of life. I couldn't take it anymore. So please forgive me and know that I'm in a better place. I love you all so much and I'm sorry I ever had to leave you.

Love,

Rae

 I hope my life never comes to a point where I feel like giving up entirely. Suicide is a terrible thing, probably the thing I hate most in this world.

But I wonder, if I died, would anyone care? Yes, I understand my family would be devastated. But it's everyone else I wonder about. Would my cousins care? Will my friends cry and grieve, or would they get over it quickly? What would Emily do? Would that girl that sits next to me in history notice that I wasn't there? Could my sister be okay without me? What about that boy I like, would he be emotional or would he move on? That man that sits in the back of my church, what about him?There are so many questions when it comes to situations like these. My point is, who in my life loves me enough to miss me when I'm gone? I think when teens commit suicide they ask themselves these questions; they count up too many no's. I wonder if my friend Alex asked himself these before he attempted suicide. I really hope he now realizes how many people actually love him.

I wish there was a way to test my theory without ruining like every relationship I've ever had. I look at someone and think, would they care? Normally I answer no, but it's surprising me how many times I've been proven wrong. Though some may not show it, people actually do care about me. If I died young, my loved ones would care, because they love me.

Suicide is a heavy topic and honestly, I don't really know why I felt the need to write about. I just need to express how much I love you. I don't care if we've never met face to face just know that I love you. We all go through struggles and hardships in this world. But as my drama teacher once said, "It's all about the journey." The good, the bad, the amazing, and the ugly. They make us who we are. Each encounter makes us stronger, wiser, and brave. Please don't ever give up. One struggle is not worth your life. It's not worth your pain, thoughts, or time. After all, you only live once so why spend all your energy on something so little like school? Stay in school kids. When you think about it does school actually matter? No. The only things that matter in this life are your friends and family. Not a job, not money, not college, and not even social media(shocker). I would rather be homeless and bankrupt with my friends than rich and famous with no one. Wouldn't you?

Sincerely Yours,

Rae

"Silly little girl, they've seen your scars. All they want to do is to help, but little do they know that three words would have been enough. 'Are you okay?'"- Brian Wingbermuehle