Day Nineteen

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Dear Reader,

I had a fight with my best friend today. It probably was petty and stupid. But still she's my best friend. Reader, I hope you don't mind me talking about this fight. It bothers me. It's not like I haven't gotten into a fight with a friend before. There's just rarely a time when I get in a fight with my best friend, Emily.

It all started because of the marching band. I blame them for all my problems. Anyways, the band is going on a trip to Indianapolis and since I don't live in Indianapolis, I will be staying in a hotel room with four other girls. Emily and I were going to stay in the same room with another girl. That other girl invited someone else who Emily doesn't like, which is the first problem. Emily has known this person for a long time and she never gave this particular person (let's call her Susie) a chance. That frustrates me because my goal in life is to get along with people no matter their differences. I think Susie's overconfidence is what bothers Emily because Emily isn't that confident with strangers. Susie is my friend so I don't understand why Emily has a problem with her. The thing I'm mad about is that Emily, after saying that she would stay with us, left to go join two upperclassmen in their room. I made it clear that I wanted her to stay with me, because she's my best friend and I can't live without her. But she joined them. While I was trying to tell her that I wanted her to stay, she was laughing like I was kidding. That really made me mad.

I told you it was petty. But for some reason it matters. Emily's my best friend, and I never want to go a day without her. Couldn't she just get over whatever she has against Susie, and suck it up for one night? Is that really so hard?

I hate holding a grudge against her. I can literally feel my anger hollowing out my insides and making me feel miserable. I have all this hurt and I want to take it out on myself. I don't think it's just the fight bothering me. It's all these pent up emotions that I have and one fight just causes them to all come out. I feel bad for taking it out on Emily. I also feel bad because I can't forgive her. Not yet.

Sincerely,

Rae

"They said not to worry, they said not to lie, they said to be brave and use words of the wise. But they were wrong. For in the end everyone dies."-Rae

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