suddenly | minsung

nineteen

"oh, you do.." minho replied, forcing a grin onto his face. he knew how much courage jeongin must have built up to admit such a thing, and he didn't want showing his own feelings to offend the boy.

"yeah," jeongin sighed and smiled. "i think i do," jeongin's gaze softened as he thought about the boy. he found it funny how he was telling this to, of all people, lee minho. the guy his crush had been chasing, and the guy who had broken him, leaving jeongin to build him back together piece by piece.

jeongin had a strong dislike towards minho for a while. he never understood how or why anyone would hurt someone like jisung, fragile hearted, and nothing but kind. jisung was a happy virus, and why anyone would put him through any sort of displeasure was beyond him. minho knew what jisung had just been put through, and to not realize he had been hurting the boy was an insane thought to jeongin. but now the two roommates had no hard feelings, and once the whole situation had died down, and jisung stopped crying and venting to jeongin, the younger had realized how important jisung had become to him.

"how?" minho asked. "i mean, when?"

"i'm not sure, actually," jeongin sighed. "one day i just knew. he's been through so much, and even helped me through so much, i just want him to be happy. i want him to feel loved. his smile makes me feel weird in the best ways possible,"

a smile grew on the young boy's face. "he just means so much to me, and i wish i could shower him in love and affection without it being weird,"

minho stared at the boy. he didn't know it was that big of a crush. he was rather curious. what could jisung have said about him? what problems would such a perfect boy like jeongin have to go through?

"you.. you said you needed my help?" minho asked, voice shaky. deep inside, he was a mess. he was fuming, sad, petty, anything that comes to mind.

"yeah, actually!" jeongin flashed his signature fairy smile. "it would be much apprecia-"

"i-i don't know if i can," minho stammered, his gaze never leaving the floor. "i don't know if i want to," he cursed himself for saying that. the words came out of minho's mouth as if not asking for permission.

"w-what?" shock ran through jeongin's body. he hated this feeling. he felt like he had let minho down, he felt guilty.

it was a habit jisung tried to hold jeongin back from; he always tried to put others before his own happiness, always refraining from asking others for help.

and here he was. he regretted anything. he knew he hadn't done much wrong, in fact if he knew beforehand minho would react this way, he would have never in a million years asked for his help. but the thing is, he did, and the guilt and regret ate away at him for doing so.

"i-i don't know where that came from," minho gasped to himself. "i'm sorry, i-"

"no, it's okay!" jeongin forced his own smile. "sorry if i annoyed you or anything, i won't bring it up again," his smile faded, and tears formed in his eyes.

a short silence fell upon the duo, before jeongin quickly interrupting. "oh, look at the time! my shift's over, i better get going," the younger rushed to the employee's room to take off his apron and step into his own clothing, tears running down his face as he did so.

i really messed up, the two boys thought to themselves.

jeongin walked and walked, unable to stop the tears from rolling down his face. he felt guilty, sad, overanalyzing the entire scene from today. maybe there was something about jisung only minho knew about. did jisung hate jeongin? jeongin's fears only grew from there.

his walking came to a halt when he realized where he was going. he had begun walking in the direction of minho and jisung's apartment. he couldn't, he absolutely couldn't. he didn't dare walk into that apartment after what had just occurred.

so he sat down at a table in front of a small tteokbeokki restaurant, and continued to cry. all he wanted was a reason why. why minho would decline so straightforwardly, and reason why jisung would ever dislike him.

it hurt to think about, and the tears kept falling. he brought his knees to his chest and sobbed into his arms. the attention from the people around him didn't matter to him.

soon enough however, the tears did stop. and he realized how little of a reason it was for him to begin sobbing the way he did. he began to feel selfish.

but the thing was, he liked jisung so much. he wanted jisung to know how important he was to him— how much the younger appreciation his existence in his life.

but he didn't want to ruin their friendship. he valued jisung in his life over anything, and he didn't want to ruin it with unshared feelings, or even worse, bad blood with his roommate.

he wanted to stay silent about his feelings for jisung. but at the same time, he was willing to risk it all.