To Be A Hero

Chapter 19: Eyes Closed

"I feel like a really bad person."

"And why's that?"

"I literally almost gave Sam a heart attack over some eyeliner."

Kefilwe arches a brow at me as she finishes examining my skin, giving me a small nod, meaning I can put my shirt and pants back on, which I do. Usually they wouldn't examine me after my runs to New Canton, simply because I give them whatever they need and then leave back for Abel. But today I've decided to stay for a few hours, telling Sam I'll call him over coms once I'm ready to come back.

I've decided to stay mostly because I wanted to talk to Kefilwe, because I really do need to talk to her.

"Well, you see, Nadia told Sam that New Canton needed some spare parts so they could fix up some of their bikes, so Sam said I could pick some parts up since I was on a run anyway to get some fuel. After I got the parts, I was heading back to New Canton, and I saw this makeup shop and I thought, 'I should totally grab some eyeliner so I can practice that technique Imogen showed me yesterday so I'll be able to have nice eye makeup for my date in four days'.

"So I ran inside to grab some, not realizing that there were like, eight zombies in there, all waiting and ready to jump me. I had to fight them all off and I nearly got bit. Sam was screaming at me the whole run back to New Canton. I think he'd still be yelling at me if I didn't tell him I was planning to stay in New Canton for a few hours."

Kefilwe hums. "Well, yes, I can see why Sam would be angry at you. It's very unwise to risk your life over makeup for a... did you say you were going on a date?"

"Yes."

She blinks, making no attempt to hide her surprise. "With who?"

"Sam."

A smile slowly forms on her face, but I cut her off before she can even start.

"Let me just tell you that this isn't a real date. It's a... a date-not-date, or something like that. It's basically me proving him wrong on something and we're both probably going to be really uncomfortable, and one of the reasons I came here today was because the closer this date gets, the more nervous I become even though it's not really a date. And I can't cancel because I'm the one who proposed it in the first place and-" The words come out in a jumble, and I have to stop to catch my breath. My face heats up as I realize how ridiculous my word vomit must sound to the doctor.

I take in a few deep breaths to regain what little composure I have. "Sorry."

Kefilwe offers me a small smile, her eyes shining with sympathy. "It's quite alright. It's normal to be nervous in situations like these. But how exactly is it not an actual date?"

I grab at my invisible backpack strap, smiling sheepishly. "Funny story, actually... Basically Sam and I were talking and he said something around the lines of how almost everyone wants to date me since I'm seen as a hero now, and I asked him if he would want to date me. He sputtered our a yes, but I know it was to make me feel better, so I prompted we go on an actual date since he said he would. He's kind of not happy about it, which proves to me he was lying in the first place, but I'm still nervous, ya know? 'Cause like, this is the closest I'm going to get to going on a date with him ever."

"I'm sure that's not true."

I give her a pointed look, but don't say anything on it, mostly because I don't want to argue. I know just being out of Abel will help calm my nerves, and being away from Sam will mean less of a chance of talking about this date-not-date, and less of a chance of talking about Wesley.

My panic attack and visions took Sam's mind off of what I said about Wes, and what I confessed to him on Wes's death. I'm only worried that he'll bring it up now that things have sort of blown over and we've talked about the other issues I faced while in containment. I don't like even thinking about Wesley's death, much less talking about it. He's dead because of my stupid mistakes, and I know Sam will eventually bring it up because he will eventually remember that me thinking about that was what caused me to have a panic attack.