To Be A Hero

Chapter 28: Just Around The Corner

I sigh as I stare at the small box, neatly wrapped and still unopened. It's been four days since Nicole gave it to me. I'm afraid to open it. I'm afraid it could be some terrible gift, or even worse, it could be a nice gift, a thoughtful one.

She's a weakness. My weakness. Like Simon, she could do almost anything and I'd forgive her. I just might forgive her again if I allow myself to let her get close to me again.

And that's exactly why I can't. I can't allow her to creep back inside my heart. She doesn't deserve my forgiveness. Not now. Not ever.

So I slide the box under my bed, instead grabbing my Bible. It still disappears from time to time, although it's always returned. Whoever is taking it must know how much it means to me, but I still do not understand why they don't just ask me to borrow it. I don't mind sharing as long as people take care of it.

"I will lift mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."

-Psalm 121:1-2

I sigh, rereading the verses a few more times. It's nice to have a reminder of help once in a while. It's hard to have hope, even now when we're making all this progress. Veronica was right the other day. Learning all this stuff about the Vikings is great, but in those caves we didn't find a cure, just evidence that they had found one.

But even then it is hard to believe everything in the Edda is true, and everything we saw in those caves were not just myth. And it's hard to believe it's true because, even though I managed to get a good chunk of the missing bits of the Edda because of Moonchild, we're still missing a large part of the Edda. I only retrieved half of the missing section, but nothing else.

Veronica is right to want to do more tests, just in case we turn up empty handed. I mean, we've been empty handed for years now, only just learning that there might actually, truly be a cure out there. It seems now that we've found something, the Ministry wants everything done within the course of a few days. I wish it worked that way. I truly do.

The faster we find a cure, the faster we save the world. That's what we want. That's what I need, for everyone I care about. I don't know if I'll be alive to see it. I know I won't unless I can change my fate, but if we can save the world, save the people I love, then I don't think I'd mind dying.

Only I'm going to die at the hands of someone bad, someone that I have to weaken as much as possible so Abel can stop them after I die. It could be Netrophil, maybe. But we haven't done too much as for looking into them, since the cure has been our main priority, and for good reason. I mean, Paula's dying, and we're beginning to wonder if she'll even be alive long enough to see the baby.

I hope so. I think... it would break both Sam and Maxine if Paula died before the baby was born. There's enough broken people in the world, and Maxine and Sam are too good to become like them, like me.

I shut my Bible and place it under my pillow, tired but not tired enough to sleep. I probably should sleep, seeing that it's getting close to curfew. I should probably head to the coms shack now, but I don't. I just stay sitting down on the bunk bed I rarely use.

I close my eyes, feeling the first signs of an oncoming headache, and my skin tingles, which I know will eventually turn to a burn, much like it did that night when I was coughing up blood and having visions of Van Ark and him injecting me with that stuff. I've noticed it happens a lot-not every day, but this is the third time since that night, and it's only been a week since then.

It's not as bad as it was the first time. No, the first time was the worst and for that I'm thankful. I just get a fever and the sweats, a nose bleed and a headache. It sounds like a lot, but compared to throwing up blood, well... it's easy to see which one is the lesser or two evils.