To Be A Hero

Chapter 58: Castle

I wake up in Sam's arms.

A groan of pain leaves my lips, and I shift around, the soreness of my latest run clinging to my muscles like the sweat and dirt stuck to my skin. I know I took a shower, and changed clothes earlier, but I can't exactly remember it. All I can remember is seeing the kids, seeing their wide eyes and pinched lips, hearing their shaking voices and tearful questions. I squeezed Penelope's hand and stroked Adora's face before I passed out.

They're okay for now, but I don't know for how much longer they will be.

I start to squirm in Sam's embrace, my body screaming for me to stop. I feel like I've been hit by a truck, but my mind refuses to let me stop. I cannot stop. I've had my rest. I've had my sleep. I must get up. It's time to move.

Sam notices my movement, and one arm wraps around me tighter while the other loosens its grip so he can push my hair out of my face.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. It's alright. You're safe in Abel," He whispers softly, trying to calm my racing heart, my burning blood. "You're okay. You're safe."

"Need to get up. Need to go run," I slur, my mouth dry and my tongue weighing heavily in my mouth.

"No, it's not even tomorrow yet. You got back at five o'clock, remember? You haven't been sleeping that long."

I pause, looking at his face. He's calm, but his grip on me doesn't loosen. "But-"

"Five, believe me, you haven't been resting for that long, and you can barely move at the moment anyway." He pulls away so he can look me in the eye, and I see the worry and fear swirling in his own.

I send him an apologetic look, the regret of yesterday-or, earlier today really-finally sinking in, the knowledge of my failure finally hitting me. I was too tired to fully recognize that I failed Abel earlier. But I did.

"I'm sorry. I should've... I should've found some way into one of those repeater stations," I say, my throat scratchy and my voice heavy with regret. I can't even look at him. I messed up. I was supposed to be the one who stopped her from stopping us, but I didn't.

"Hey," He says, his fingers sweeping up under my chin. He forces me to look at him, his hand gentle but his face firm. "There was nothing you could do. Sigrid mined them. You're a tough girl to kill, but that doesn't mean you should test your luck by trying to get into there without getting blown up, because that will most likely go really badly."

I go silent. I know he's right. I know there's really nothing I could have done, but I still can't help but feel like I failed. Exhaustion settles in once more, but I can't bring myself to close my eyes, to sleep. My mind knows the urgency, the need to get up, to move.

"It just feels like I'm wasting time just sitting here, not doing anything," I murmur.

"You need rest," Sam says. "You'll be of no use to anyone if you pass out out there. I mean, you almost fell asleep in the shower. Nicole had to sit in there and talk to you through the curtain to make sure you were still conscious and hadn't fallen over. It's just a few hours, and the Ministry soldiers haven't been moving in any closer, so we've got that."

"But for how long?" I ask. "I can't... I don't... I don't know what to do."

"For now, just rest. You'll be able to go out later and you and Janine will find out just how to get into Section Z-92, and you'll be able to find some way to stop the Minister. I know you will. That's just how you are."

I force a smile at him. "Thank you."

I stay still as he wraps both arms around me again, mostly because I know he needs sleep just as badly as I do. While he hasn't been running around nearly getting crushed by a building or nearly getting eaten by zombies or nearly getting shot, he has had to sit in his chair and watch it all happen, hoping that his instructions will be enough to get us out of this mess.