A little Luck (GLs)

Beautifully tragic

    Kate fell apart beneath me and that tipped me over the edge. I stilled and my whole body contracted. God dammit! When my body stopped shuddering, my hands grew weak and I collapsed on top of Kate feeling completely satisfied. My nose was in her hair and I inhaled deeply. She smelled of sweat, perfume and me. What an amazing combination...

   "Oh, God! I don't know how I managed to live without this." I said, still trying to catch my breath. Kate smiled and I sarted peppering soft kisses on her shoulder.

  My mind went through the events of the evening again and I remembered barging into Kate's house, kicking Nick's ass and those eyes... Those sad blue eyes... The wheels in my head started spinning and I found myself remembering something that Kate had said just a few minutes ago... We're not having another baby. We? As in me and her?

   I stopped and frowned -unable to hide my shock. Standing up, I took a couple of deep breaths and then turned to look at Kate.

  "Did you say we are not having another baby?" My voice was small and my eyes narrowed. Was it possible? Did I hear that right? And if I did, wasn't that the most amazing thing that could've happened to me? Wasn't that the best reason for us to be together? But then, my bitchy conscience kicked in. Do you really believe this? How can you be so stupid? You two couldn't have had a baby. Think about it, you stupid ass! And even if you did, that didn't stop her from running away in the first place, did it? I started holding my breath, waiting for her answer. 

   She took a deep breath and nodded. My world stood still and my brow creased for a moment.

  "Luck's your son." Her voice was broken and I released my breath, trying to inhale again -and failing.

  "Who?" She didn't hesitate.

  "Luck. I called him Luck." Luck?

  "How did it happen?" Now, that I could breathe again, I've noticed that my breath was raged.

  "I think you know..." The slightest shade of red was covering Kate's cheeks. Of course, my conscience took advantage of my lapse in judgement. You know... When a man and a woman love eachother, they make love and have a baby. Remember? Oh, shut up!

  "When?"

  "The charity ball, most likely." Oh, God!

  "But you said..." She didn't give me the chance to finish.

  "I know what I said. It didn't work." My rage level was increasing, no matter how hard I tried to controll it. Why the fuck didn't you tell me? I wanted to scream and let it all out, but I somehow managed to keep calm.

  "Yet you left..." My voice was broken and I was aware of that, but there was not a single thing I could do about it. Hiding my feelings was not even an option anymore. It was either this, or the unstopable rage. 

  "Yes." Her answers were fast -too fast- and that's when it hit me. That's what she was here for. She was going to tell me tonight... Still, that didn't help too much. Four years... Four years away from her and my son.

   "And you didn't think about letting me know about our son?" I simply barked at her.

   "I was scared..." She was scared? I was the one terrified that I wouldn't see her again. I was the one having nightmares. I was the one drinking my minds after that day at the airport.

   "You were scared..." I let out a harsh laugh. She had no idea...

   I turned my back on her and walked away. I couldn't stand the sight of her right now. Putting on a pair of shorts, I poured myself a glass of bourbon -a fucking glass of Bulleit. I heard some shuffling noise, so that I knew she was getting dressed. Please, don't let her come here! I don't know what I'm capable of saying right now. But, as we all know, God doesn't like sinners, so my prayers were in vain. When I looked up Kate was standing in the doorway, watching me carefully.

   "Don't take this the wrong way, Kate, but I need to think and you need to leave." I said, managing to sound calm -actually I sounded tired, but whatever. My eyes drifted from her and I heard her soft sigh. The moment I looked up again, she was gone.

    My thoughts were scattered all around the floor. How could she do that? How could she not tell me we had a son, even though she knew how much I loved her? How could she leave like that? But the "How could she?" questions were pointles, since I wasn't going to get an answer to any of them. The big, important question was: What was I going to do now? The kid probably thought Nick was his father, so what could I do? The image of the little, dark haired,  blue eyed kid that was my son came to my mind and I started wondering how the hell I didn't see it sooner. My son... I had a son...

   I put the glass in my hand on the coffee table in front of me and my hands dove into my hair. So what now? In different circumstances I would've considered myself the luckiest son of a bastard in the world, but now... She was married -and obviously unwilling to get a divorce- so what was I supposed to do? Give up on her and my son? -not an option. Be part of their lives? -I wished... Let things be the way they are? -like I could actually do that now... One thing I knew for sure, and that thing was I wanted back what was rightfully mine. A smile formed at the corner of my lips. The thing is... I wanted what I wanted and I was going to get it -no matter how much I had to fight for it.

   Coming to think of it, the fact that we had a baby, was truly, beautifully tragic. Something that could've only happened to us from all people... But I knew life wouldn't be easy for us from the day I've met her and yet I took my chances because I've always needed her. I've always felt myself atracted to her in an almost painful way. There was no doubt in my heart that I still loved her and even less so that I'd forgive her. Some time was all I needed. Time to prepare myself for the battle I was about to hold.

  I heard the front door opening and stood up. What the fuck? "Gina?" I had completely forgotten about her.

  "Sir, yes, sir!" She blurted out. Her pumps came off and she tried to unzip her dress, but I stopped her.

  "It's ok, Gina. You don't have to..."

  "You know... You're not a really nice man, playing me like this." She headed for the bedroom and I followed.

  "I mean it, Gina. I'm not in the mood anymore." One time with Kate was enough to last me a lifetime. Plus nothing could've compared to that.

   She crawled up in bed and rested her head on my pillow. "I'm sure you won't mind me taking a nap here, because I'm quite sure I wouldn't be able to get back to my suite right now."

   "I can take you."

   "I know you can, but you won't. Letting me sleep here is the least you can do. In case you didn't notice I'm a little drunk, and I wanna wake up in the morning feeling good about myself. You may be an ass, but you're a God in bed and I wanna wake up thinking that we had sex, because that's the only way I can have you -or used to have you anyway, since lately you're like an iceberg. I'm in love with you, Mr Carter and I know you're not. I also know that our relationship is about to end, so let me sleep here for tonight." She sighed once and then her breath evened out.

   She was right. That was the least I could do, so after I covered her up, I went to the couch and laid down myself. All I could think of was Kate and our son and I fell asleep feeling complete for the first time in my life, since my mother's death.