So HigH!! :; SKI MASK THE SLUMP GOD!!

13.

It has been two days and me and stokeley have had the best time together while Jah was away. Its the day he comes home from his trip. I couldn't wait to see him. Me and Stoke go pick him up from the nearest Walmart and Stoke drops me and Jah off at our house.

I was a little worried that Jah was still angry and depressed about Geneva. The car ride home was silent he didn't say a word. All he did was look out the window.

When we got home he just went straight upstairs. Closed his door and locked it. It was tuff seeing my brother like this. Whenever i felt sad, depressed, angry, or betrayed he helped me through it. It sucks that he wont let me help him.

A hour passes...

I was sitting on the couch watching the 3rd season of 'Riverdale' on netflix when Jah came downstairs and walked in the kitchen. He walked out with one of those vape things. he was about to walked upstairs when i stopped him.

"Jah," i said pausing the tv.

"What Jay?" he said slightly turning around.

"Jahseh, you havent talked to me since the whole Genev-

"DONT - SAY- THAT NAME IN THIS HOUSE!" Jahseh says dropping his phone running over to me and pointing in my face..

"Jahseh im just trying to help. I miss my brother. .. .

Where'd he go?" I say as a tear slowly comes down my face.

He notices my tears and relaxes a little. '*sighs' he sits down next to me.

"Im sorry Jay. Its just been alot Of shit going through my head" he says rubbing his dreads

"I-i know you trying to help and i love you for that.. but at this point i dont think i can be helped.. i cant be the person i was before." He pauses

"Im stuck in this sucken place and cant get out! Dont try to save me, because it will only cause you endless misery.. i cant be saved but you can.." he says getting up and looking for his phone

I couldnt face the fact that he was trying to get through this by himself. I noticed his phone under the table in the middle of our living room.

"If you talked about how you feel then you would feel a little better.." i say handing him his phone..
He jus stares at me, then runs upstairs.

"WHY THE FUXK ARE YOU SHUTTING ME OUT!? JAH I CAN HELP YOU!!" I scream angry at him for making his self miserable. He turns around and starts to turn red. As if he was holding his breath.

"JAYLA I CANT BE HELPED!" He screams back..

"CANT. OR DONT WANT TO BE?!" IM TIRED OF YOU NOT LETTING ME IN. I STILL NEED YOU AS A BROTHER IF YOU DIDNT NOTICE! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ALONE!!" A storm of tears run down my face.

"WHAT IF IM MEANT TO BE ALONE JAYLA!? WHAT IF IM NOT MEANT TO BE CARED FOR OR LOVED?! I CANT TELL YOU WHAT I FEEL BECAUSE ITS A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!! I FEEL LIKE I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING. I FEEL UNLOVED, BETRAYED, SAD, ANGRY, HELPLESS, I- I- I- FEEK LIKE I WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CHEST..
*sits on the steps.. crying his eyes out..
But at the crazy thing is that i still love her.." he says crying even harder..
I was so suprised he has never been this hurt. I go and sit next to him and hug him as he leans into my arms.

"She won't go away.. all i- thin- think about is... her" i could hear the pain in his voice.

"Jah, thats perfectly normal. It hurts but its normal. You cant un-do yall relationship. Its going to hurt, its going to burn, its going to probably be the worse feeling in the world! But you have to not punish yourself. "