Pragma // s.b.

29

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The words rung in my head long after they had been thrown at me across the dark corridor. "Even you realized how much of a disappointment Sirius is", the Slytherin boy who looked so much like his brother had tossed the words out like they meant nothing. But they didn't. As much as I tried to disregard them, in the depth of my heart I knew they held the weight of the world.

I wasn't even aware that Sirius had a brother, let alone one at Hogwarts. I tried to remember anytime I might have seen him before, but nothing came to mind. The boy looked about the same age as Ronan, but he carried himself with a haughtiness and way about him that radiated superiority. It wasn't too uncommon to have siblings in different houses, but it was practically unheard of for a Gryffindor and Slytherin to be in the same family.

Words that Sirius had once spoken to me worked their way into my head, "Maybe then my family would think I'm worthy of the Black name". Memories of the day he let those fateful words slip out of his mouth filled my mind. Sirius pulling me away from the Potions classroom, the small bench we shared as he poured out his heart, me admitting that I didn't always feel like I deserved to be called a Hufflepuff. My decision to become friends with him against my better judgement.

After that day I had wanted so badly to ask him about his family, but I knew that if he wanted to tell me about them, he would. We were just becoming friends, and as much as it hurt me to admit now, I was enjoying spending time with him. I knew prying about his family would ruin everything, which was so far from what I wanted at the time.

My head pounded. After everything I knew about Sirius Black, all the bad things he had done, how he was self centered, tried to hurt and take advantage of innocent people, and always was so arrogant and cocky, why did I find myself wanting to turn around and shout in his brother's face that he wasn't a disappointment? That, yes, he made horrible decisions, but don't we all? That maybe he just didn't care enough about Sirius to look past the surface, that was so clearly a front, and realize he was seriously hurting? The he might just see that Sirius was wonderful and kind and stupid and annoying, and an amazing mess of contradictions that gets in your head and messes your life up, but you can't, and don't really want to, do anything to stop it.

But, I didn't say any of that. I let Tanner lead me away from the group of laughing Slytherins, let myself believe I hate Sirius. It was easy to distract myself at first, checking on Lewis who was beginning to wake up. Whispering with Liv about what we should do to prevent it from happening again in the future. Visiting the kitchens to get some of Lewis' favorite cakes to bring him and ending up staying and helping out the house elves for hours afterwards. However, soon all of that died down, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

I sat alone at a small corner in the library, the afternoon sunlight streaming through a window and casting lines of shadows over the pages of my book. Realizing I had just reread the same sentence at least four times, I slammed the book closed. I let my head fall so my forehead rested on the cool wood. My eyes trained on the my feet and I let out a long sigh. This year had already had more action, heartache, fun, and drama than all my previous ones combined.

November was passing quickly, and soon it would be December and we would be out for the Christmas holiday. Had all of this really happened within a few months? I closed my eyes and let my neck relax. Why was I feeling so torn up inside about all of this? I wanted so badly to move on, to live my life the way I had, but something was holding me back. Sirius and his friends had tried to kill Snape, and as much as I wanted to as well after the Lewis incident, that just simply wasn't forgivable.

The sound of someone clearing their throat above me snapped me out of my thoughts. I lifted my head and my heart stopped. There stood Remus. I wanted to say something, but his appearance took me completely by surprise. Massive bruises covered his arms, and his face was so pale it seemed transparent. A cut ran from above his right eyebrow diagonally to the end of his nose.

"Remus", my voice was soft. Any animosity I might have felt towards him was gone after seeing him in this state. His crooked smile appeared on his face. It seemed shined through the cuts and bruises, warming his features. My eyes were wide, and I was at a loss for words. We just looked at each other for a moment, and I couldn't help but remember our many conversations and study sessions in this very library. He took a slight step towards me, and his dry lips parted, "I have something I need to tell you".