Pragma // s.b.

50

*****

"You unironically listen to classical music?", I giggled, my lips pressed to the cup of spiked butterbeer in my hand. Calum was leaning against a tree, a group of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs surrounding. He shrugged, "The only reason I said that is because I am...slightly intoxicated", he laughed, "But yes..yes I do". The group burst into laughter. I glanced over at Maggie who just shook her head at me and rolled her eyes.

    "You need a drink", I said, a little louder than necessary. I grabbed Calum's arm and Maggie's hand and dragged them to the side. "Keep each other company", I kissed them both on the cheek, "I'll be back". The enormous bonfire crackling in the center of the clearing danced in my vision. My cheeks glowed with the warmth of alcohol and I couldn't seem to stop smiling.

    A small table was situated under a towering tree. Bottles were piled on top of each other, each one looking more inviting as the night continued. I grabbed the firewhiskey and poured myself a shot. Then, remembering what I came here for, filled a plastic cup to the brim and started back towards the waiting Maggie. Brushing past dancing couples and laughing people, the world seemed to spin slightly.

I looked up at the bright moon, the perfect crescent. I let out a slight breath, the air curling before me. A giggle slipped from my lips. When I looked back down, I noticed a figure standing slightly to the side. The only visible part of him was his dark shadow. Suddenly, I felt all too sober. Without thinking, I began to drink deeply from the cup in my hand that had been intended for Maggie.

The once loud music in my ears was somewhat muffled now. I pushed past a group of girls dancing and back towards the drink table. I was reaching once more for the firewhiskey when a hand shot out, grabbing my arm and stopping it from reaching the bottle. "I think you've had enough, sunshine".

"Fuck you", I spit. His lips were slightly parted, a cigarette tucked behind his ear. I tried to shove past him, but his grip was strong on my arm. "Let me go, Sirius", I pulled myself out of his grip, stumbling and almost falling. Sirius' hands were now around my waist, steadying me. "Shouldn't you be with Lydia", I pushed him off me once more. His jaw clenched and he glanced over his shoulder. "That's what I thought", I scoffed. His eyes were still shifting around the clearing. "I'm leaving", I declared. Sirius' eyes snapped back to mine. "Of course", he let out a barking laugh, "Go run off to your back up".

I spun on my heel and shoved him with all my might. "Shut up!", all the anger of the past months that had bubbled under the surface was spilling over. "You don't get to say that", I poked him in the chest, "You do not get to look at me like that", I poked him again, "And you certainly do not get to tell me what to do!".

Anger blazed in his eyes and he grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the prying eyes of other students and into the woods. We were far from the bonfire now, and my flannel seemed thin against the cold air. "I hate you Sirius Black", I said, pacing back and forth. He let out a loud exhale and slammed his fist against a nearby tree.

Blood trickled off his knuckles and he hissed sharply. "I'm not cleaning that up for you this time", I said, unaware of how loud my voice was still coming out. The alcohol in my bloodstream was fogging my vision, but I didn't feel bad, I felt liberated. All the things I had been feeling were finally getting out in the air.

"Briony, please", he said, moving closer to me. "No, Sirius", I wanted to run away, but I dared myself to move forward, "You are so selfish. You only care about what everyone else thinks of you". I wanted to continue, but I was cut off. "Get off your pedestal for four seconds, sunshine", he spit the words at me, "Set aside your righteous indignation and realize you aren't perfect". We were nose to nose now, I could smell the scent of peppermint I hadn't smelled for so long.

"Everything's just a game to you", I said, my eyes searching his face, unaware of the slurr in my words. "Everything is just something for you to fix", he said, breathing down on me. "Self centered prick", I growled. "Goody two shoes", he retorted. "I can't believe I ever thought I loved you", I said, my chin tilted up. "I can't believe I ever let you", he yelled, his hand in bawled in a fist at his side. I let out a huff and moved to shove past him, but his hand caught me once more.

Our chests were heaving in perfect synchronization. We glared at each other, daring one another to move. "Did you ever love me or was it just another one of your stupid games?", I said, my voice now barely above a whisper. His jaw was tight, and his eyes moved quickly over my face. He opened his mouth, then closed it. And then, he smashed his lips to mine. Maybe if I was less drunk, or couldn't smell his hair so strongly, I would have stopped him.

Our lips moved in perfect synch, hungry for the taste of each other. My back hit the rough tree behind me and I let out a slight gasp. I trailed kisses down his neck and onto his chest, where the tattoo I loved so much was now visible. "I want you so bad, Sirius", I mumbled against his skin. "Briony", he let out. His hands ran through my hair, causing shivers to run down my spine. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt.

"Stop", he said quietly. I ignored him, kissing his neck once more. "Stop", he said more forcefully. "What's wrong?", I pulled away. "You're drunk", he ran his hands through his hair. I blinked at him. "We can't do it", he said, more to himself than to me, "Not like this". Everything was spinning now and I slightly stumbled. "Let's get you to bed", he sighed. He bent down, placing one arm around my waist, and the other under my knees, lifting me up.

The castle was dim, the only sound that of Sirius' footsteps. I watch the portraits pass as he carried me towards the basement. When we reached the round door, he gently set me down. "How do we get in, Briony?', he whispered. I sleepily knocked in the rhythmic pattern that granted us access and the door swung open. Sirius guided me in by the small of my back and looked around. "It's nice in here", he let out softly. "Mhm", I smiled. "Where's your dormitory?", he looked at me wearily.

"Up the spiral staircase to the right", I mumbled. He lifted me once again and I buried my head in the crook of his neck. I only registered that I was in my bed when I felt the quilt being tucked in and the small kiss on my forehead. My breathing was beginning to deepen, the last thing my mind registered before sleep was the sullen voice saying, "And to answer your question Briony, it's never been a game to me".