Pragma // s.b.

30

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Shock. Pure shock was all I felt. It flooded through my body as his words hit me, "I'm a werewolf, Briony". Obviously magical creatures existed. Giants, trolls, even vampires were spread all across the world. I was fully aware of that. Hell, I even knew that there were probably thousands just on the Hogwarts grounds. But, never in my life did I think I would be seated in the dusty corner of the library across from a werewolf.

Remus, a werewolf? Was this just another stupid joke that the boys thought was funny? To see just how far along they could string me? Was this some cruel way to try to get back at me for confronting Sirius? The pleading, pained look in Lupin's eyes led me to believe different.

My muscles were tense. I searched the boy's face in front of me. I saw no hint of deception, just raw, real emotion. The two of us had been sitting in silence for a good amount of time, and it seemed like we were the only two left in the library. His eyes were trained on the ground, I knew he didn't want to look at me. He didn't want to see my reaction. I knew he was scared that I would have a look of disgust smeared across my face, or look so terrified of him that I wanted to run away screaming.

All of a sudden, I realized something. "Last night was the full moon", I said aloud, startling myself. He slowly nodded, his gaze still not meeting mine. His hair was shaggy and the weight of gravity was causing it to hang limp, covering most of his face. It made sense now. Why he always seemed to get sick, why he look beat up frequently and almost as if he was...ripped apart at the seams. I always wanted to know what the cause of this was, but much like with Sirius' family situation, I knew it wasn't my place to ask.

"Remus", I let out quietly, "Please look at me". After a moment, his eyes met mine. I let my lips form a slight smile, the dimple on my right cheek poking out. His face began to relax slightly and he leaned forward so his arms rested on the table. "Thank you for telling me, but why?", I whispered. As much as I wanted to think that it was because we were such good friends, that I was such an amazingly calming presence to him he felt like he could share his deepest, darkest secret with me, I knew that wasn't the truth. We hadn't spoken for almost a month, and I knew for a fact Sirius had shared the details of our conversation with him.

Remus sighed, "It wasn't Sirius that almost killed Snape, Briony.". My heart clenched. Of course this is what it was about. I knew the full truth was coming, something I had wanted to so long. I had spent many sleepless nights wondering if I would ever know the full story. I felt sick with anticipation as he continued. I could see Remus' hands slightly shaking in the candle light. He took a shaky inhale and looked me in the eyes with a steely braveness that I knew he was forcing himself to have, "It was me."

"James, Peter, and Sirius thought it would be...funny if they staged a little", he paused, "Meeting with Snape and while I was, well, not in my normal state". My eyes widened. Earlier that year we had studied werewolves in DADA. I didn't know much, but I did know how very, very dangerous they were. Especially to an unarmed, unsuspecting human. Remus clenched his jaw, the thought of what he might have done obviously causing him pain.

"Lucky for all of us, James got the good sense to stop it right before it happened. Warn him, protected him", he said, then gritted his teeth, "James saved Snape's life. He stopped me from murdering him". I felt a pang of empathy for Remus. Out off all the scenarios I had thought out in my mind of what could possibly be a good enough explanation, I never could have imagined that this was the truth. And that this would be so much worse. "Remus...", I bit my lip.

"Sirius didn't sleep for weeks after, Briony", he said, his voice getting slightly louder, "The guilt ate him alive. He knew that if Snape had died, well, he wouldn't be any better than the rest of his family". My eyebrows drew together. What did that mean? I had a million questions, but none of seemed to be able to be formed into words.

"He couldn't explain what happened when you came to him with the accusation", Remus said, a tone of panic settling into his voice, "I have no idea how that rumor even got out, but if it continued to spread and get closer to the truth...". "Everyone would find out about you", I finished for him, the realization of the true weight of the situation dawning on me. "And I would have to leave school. Parents wouldn't want their children anywhere near a monster like me". He spit these last words out like they left a foul taste in his mouth.

How stupid I was, how selfish. I had told Olivia about the rumor. Discussed it with Ronan. I had helped spread the story that held Remus' well being and state of life in the balance. "Why did you just tell then?", I said, running my hands through my hair in frustration, "The more people that know the less safe you are". Remus looked at me, his crooked smile forming. "I couldn't let you hate him, Briony", he said softly, "He needs you".

Remus didn't need to specify who "he" was. Without hesitation, I leapt up. "I need to find him", I unceremoniously shoved my books into my bag and flung it onto my back. Taking off towards the door with a fury, I turned my head to look at Remus. "I'm sorry!", I called. As I whipped my head back around to see where I was going, I caught one last glimpse of Remus' now wide smile, that seemed to tell me to run even faster towards Sirius.