You and I

Chapter 35

Guilt.

That's the only thing I feel right now. Guilt. For leaving joe at the church for leaving him in South Africa for no reason. I over exaggerated I saw a picture of him with a red headed girl and I just got up and left. Who knew love could hurt this much. I've never been in love before none of my past boyfriends compare to joe, he's passionate, caring, funny, sweet, charming and just in general the most amazing guy in the world. And I've screwed that up by over exaggerating and just leaving him behind with no words after my mum had died. I mean seeing a picture of your boyfriend and some red headed girl looking like they're kissing straight after your mum has died is not one of the best things in the world. It's really not. Baring in mind leaving Caspar behind when he most needed me is not the best thing either. I'm suffering with bereavement, I've changed ever since the one person I loved more than anyone left me in this cruel world. I love you more than anything mum and there is nothing I wouldn't do to hold you one more time and tell you how much I love you dearly.
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"Amy, Amy open the door!"

I get out of my trance by a loud banging on the door.

"Amy open up" I recognise that voice the first nice person I met when arrived in LA while it be when he was filming a scary game in an elevator he's been the nicest person to me since I came here.

I open the door and Sam's fist stops mid air when he's about to knock on the door once again. He puts his first down and looks at me concerned. He walks past and close the door behind. He walks over to the sofa and sits down and pats the seat next to him.

"Come and talk to me" he says as I hesitate at first then go and sit next to him. "Kat told me what happened and I figured you might need another friend to talk to so here I am let it all out of what you have to say" I look up at him as the tears start to cloud my eyes I gulp as a salty tear falls down onto my porcelain skin. I breathe in and then out and I tell him everything about how I am feeling and being an amazing friend he is does nothing but sit there and listen to my problems, my feeling, my guilt.
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Once again the days go by like that and I start to forget more and more about Joe as the girls stay with me and help me clear my mind. Guilt still consumes me I don't think it will ever leave, it's like a disease that's stuck to me until I'm cured from it. There's no stopping it taking over me.

Joe and Caspar have rang me a few times but after 2 days days I just switched my old phone off fully. On a positive note I've fully moved into my new apartment and everyone is coming round tonight to see the official finished look of  my place, the only people who have even seen the place while I was setting everything up was Sam and Kat who have been there for me so much since we came back from Mums funeral.

I set down the last bowl of crips on my coffee table as the door bells rings. I answer the door to see Sam, Kat, Corey, Devyn, Colby, Amaani, Jake and his new girlfriend Tara, all stood their smiling. I invite them and they start looking around the house at awe of everything I have completed in the last 2 weeks. I look around and admire my friends and my house. I smile. I'm home.
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After 2 hours of sitting around and playing games the door bell rings once again.

"Who's that?" Corey asks

"I don't know I didn't invite anyone else" I shrug as I turn around and Amaani gets up to answer the door for me. Amaani opens the door and all I can make out is a person with jeans, trainers and a brown jacket stand at the door. I couldn't make out the face as Amaani was about as tall as the person so I couldn't see their face but I could make out strands of hair blonde/brunette hair.

"Oh my gosh your - - - - - - - "