Fight, Love, Live.

XXXVIII

A/N: I hope y'all enjoy! Get ready for rage Riley! P.S. If you didn't vote on a person to play Evie Winchester for the new book, please please go back one chapter and do so! It would really help me out!

"Do you think we'll find her?" I whispered to Daryl, leaning back against his chest, sprawled out on the porch swing after being forcibly told to rest by every single person in the house, minus Beth and her boyfriend, they hadn't said a word to anyone. Merle was out with us, but T-Dog and Glenn had been allowed to sleep in one of the guest rooms, and we would be switching in a few hours. 

"We just started looking." Daryl said grumpily, stroking my hand that was encased in his with his thumb, all of our hands entwined over my stomach. 

"Yes. But do you think we'll find her?"

"It ain't the mountains of Tibet. It's Georgia. She'll be holed up in a farmhouse somewhere, safe and sound. People get lost and they survive. It happens all the time."

"Yeah... but she's only twelve, and scared of everything... plus there are things chasing her now."

"I was younger than her when I got lost. Nine days in the woods eating berries, wiping my ass with poison oak." Daryl said with a chuckle, and kissed the top of my head, letting me know he wasn't upset with me about my questioning, just trying to get me to see his point of view. 

"Did Merle find you?" I whispered, squeezing his hand and glancing over at Merle who was sharpening his knife. 

"Merle was doing another stint in juvie, and my old man was off on a bender with some waitress. Didn't even know I was gone. I made my was back though. Went straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear. Except my ass itched something awful." I let out a giggle and I could feel Daryl's check shake when he chuckled behind me. 

"I'm sorry, that's horrible."

"It's funny, don't worry none. Only difference between me and her? Sophia's got people looking for her. I call that an advantage." I just smiled, accepted what he was saying, and decided that it was probably time to just relax, relax before things got worse. 

I didn't have to wait long. 

Lori and Rick had come outside to talk, presumedly about what Hershel was talking about, doing the surgery without the respirator. I don't think they realized we were here. It was dark out, past midnight, and we were slightly around the corner, and they were on the steps, but we could hear them clear as day, and we all froze when they began talking. 

"Maybe this isn't a world for children anymore." Lori said, and I grabbed Daryl's hands so tight, I'm sure it was painful. That stupid bitch. 

"Yeah well, we have a child. Carl is here in this world now."  You go Rick. 

"Maybe he shouldn't be. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be." Maybe I'm supposed to stick a knife in your throat you heartless bitch. 

"You can't mean that." It was silent for a moment before Rick started talking again. 

"Okay. All right. I can understand that thought crossing your mind." I can't. 

"It didn't cross my mind, Rick. I can't stop thinking about it. Why do we want Carl to live in this world? To have this life? So he can see more people torn apart in front of him? So that he can be hungry and scared for however long he has before he... So he can run and run and run and then even if he survives he ends up... he ends up just another animal who doesn't know anything except survival? If he... if he dies tonight, it ends for him. Tell me why it would be better another way." I was crying now. I could feel the tears running down my face and the sobs threatening to rip from my chest. But I wasn't sad. I was angry. So angry. How could she do this? How could she decide to kill her own son? Because that is what she was doing right now. She was deciding not to give him a chance. She was deciding to rip him away from us, from me, from the world. 

And yeah, maybe the world sucks right now. But it's always had its problems. This is just a new one, granted, it's a pretty fucking big problem, but all problems have a solution. You just have to fight for it. 

"What changed?"

"What?"

"Jenner offered us a way out. You asked him toilet us keep trying. You begged him. 'For as long as we can,' you said. What changed?"

"There was a moment the other day... it was just a second but I forgot Jacqui was dead. I turned around, I wanted to tell her something. I almost said her name. It was just a second and then I remembered. But then I realized she didn't have to see any of it. The highway, the herds, Sophia, Carl getting shot... she didn't... she doesn't have to be afraid anymore. Hungry. Angry. It hasn't stopped happening Rick. It's like we live with a knife at our throats every second of every day. But Jacqui doesn't. Not anymore. And then... I thought, 'maybe Jenner was right.'" I couldn't take it anymore. 

I stood up, ripped myself from Daryl's hands and stormed over to where they were sitting. Rick whipped around, mildly surprised, but Lori just looked guilty. That didn't stop my rage from attacking her. 

"You stupid fucking coward. You are a spoiled fucking bitch and I fucking hate this person you have turned into. Maybe it's not what you've turned into, maybe this is what you've always been. Just now I can see past the front you show everyone. People lived in fear, in hunger, in desperation way before the fucking dead started walking Lori Grimes. You just didn't have to feel it because Rick took such amazing care of you and Carl. But all over the world, there were people starving, dying, being killed for food or money or sex, whatever, but they were dying. You ignored it from your perfect little home, didn't have a job, didn't have to do anything but look after Carl and have food on the table when Daddy came home, but oh shit! Look, now you have to actually do things, make things happen so that you and your family can survive. The world hasn't changed. You've just had to open your eyes and see what it is. Yeah, we are back to being cavemen with guns, but cavemen still had kids. Cavewomen still took care of their children! Gave them their life, fed them, clothed them! And they weren't at the top of the food chain then either! Grow a fucking backbone Lori! He is your goddamn son! I shouldn't have to tell you this! You should already fucking know. But I swear to God. If you are the reason he dies? I'll put a fucking bullet through your brain. Put you out of your fucking misery."