Just Wait Till Friday ; hemmings a.u

Alyssa

My heartbeat seemed pound in my veins, my temples and my chest as I ran through the front doors of the school. My hands shaking, my heart racing and tears blurring my vision I ran home.

Relieved that no cars were in the driveway, meaning that Mom and Dad were at work and Ashton was at college, I removed the key from under the front mat and let myself into the house, not bothering to lock the door behind me.

Sobbing hysterically as what happened in the cafeteria played over again and again in my mind I ran up the stairs to the bathroom, where I just barely managed to get the toilet seat open before I was throwing up the Pop tart I had eaten for breakfast.

The entire school had seen me naked, and not my boobs like the slutty girls who would “accidentally” leak nudes, but the parts of me that I’d been taught since I was old enough to understand the concept of what private parts where, that I was never supposed to show anyone.

My stomach still churning, but now empty I flushed the toilet and rose to my feet. I could tell I was shaking, and crying, however I couldn’t feel it, instead all I could feel was that moment, the cold air on my backside, the laughter.

Sinking down to the ground, I pulled my knees up to my chest and just cried. I don’t know how long I sat there, but what felt like only a few minutes later, but in reality was several hours later, I pulled out my phone, and starting a group message with my parents and Ashton typed in four words.

I love you guys.

I sat waiting for a reply, chewing my lower lip with worry as more and more time passed, until finally my phone beeped.

Sighing in relief I looked down however my heart sank seeing the reply.

Mom: Can’t talk, busy.

Letting out a strangled sob I chucked my phone at the wall. I didn’t mean anything to these people, my own family, I didn’t mean anything to anyone, I was just a freak.

My hands trembling, I rose to my feet and crossing over to the bathtub, turned it on. My mind racing I kicked off my shoes however left my jeans and sweater on. Watching the water steadily rise I walked over to the kitchen sink and removing my makeup bag from the cabinet beneath it, pulled out a tube of red lipstick Mom had bought for me but I’d never worn.

Uncapping it, I twisted it up as far as it would go before pressing it against the mirror and writing one word in large, lopping letters.

Sorry

Dropping the lipstick in the basin of the sink I turned back to the tub and finding it filled, turned off the water. Looking down at my socks I asked myself if I really wanted to do it.

I tried to talk myself out of it, I tried to come up with some alternate method of dealing with everything but the tub of water offered an easy way out and I was tired.

Taking a deep breath I stepped in, one foot, then the other. The sensation of getting into the tub fully clothed a strange one, I sat down. The water was pleasantly warm and just barely reached my neck.

Fiddling with the hem of my sweater which was fanning out at my hips I inhaled shakily before bracing my hands on either side of the ceramic tub and forcing myself down.

As soon as my mouth and nose were under I exhaled. Closing my eyes and submerging myself completely I just sat there, sounds muffled, floating.

Opening my mouth, I allowed it to fill with water before swallowing. Immediately my body tried to move upwards towards air however I forced myself to stay down. My lungs screaming, I swallowed more water.

My nose stung, my body trashed, and my heartfelt heavy as I slowly drowned myself. It was terrible at first, however after a while I became light headed and began to give in to the temptation of sleep, and death.

My body no longer struggled and my heart rate was incredibly low. I knew it was the end and just when I was about to pass out, I felt an arm loop around my chest, pulling me up. As soon as I broke the surface I began to cough and gag, hacking up a lakes worth of water.

“What the hell are you doing?” a familiar voice shouted.

Sobbing, I tried to wriggle out of the grasp.

I had been so close, death had been at my fingertips and now it was gone and I was here, stuck.

“Ashton let me go!” I screamed.

Ignoring me, he pulled me out of the tub and sitting down the cold bathroom floor, wrapped a large towel around me before pulling me down on the floor infront of him, in between his legs, where he held me back as I continued to try and break free from his grasp.

“Alyssa stop it!” he cried, “Please stop it!”

It wasn’t until I felt his tears dripping onto my head that I finally stopped.

Pulling my knees up to my chest I buried my face in my bands and sobbed.

“Lyssa,” Ashton whispered crawling towards me and gently prying my hands from my face, “What’s going on?”

“I can’t go back!” I choked out, “Please don’t make me go back!”

“Shh, it’s okay.” He said, his eyes wide with panic, as he draped an arm around me, “I won’t make you go back. You don’t have to go back.”

Relaxing slightly, I curled up in a ball on the soaking wet floor, resting my head on Ashton’s lap where he played with my hair as I cried myself to sleep.