♡𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕥 𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖♡ - 𝕙𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕘 𝕙𝕪𝕦𝕟𝕛𝕚𝕟

c h a p t e r f o u r

CHANGAROO
Alright, welcome these crackheads to the chat, please.

YOU
We're all crackheads, so I'm sure we'll welcome them with open arms.

HERESYOURRAMEN
You're gonna close your arms real fast, because these bitches are idiots.

STEAMYJK
Welp. Bring it on. I'm ready to be blown up.

DANDYBOI
Hiiiiii I'm Skip.

YOU
That's literally the cutest name I've ever heard. It isn't short for anything is it?

DANDYBOI
Nope. Just Skip.

HOTAE
Welp I think we found our mascot.

FENNEC.F.CKER
Don't be fooled. Skip can be satan.

WANGTHEFUCK
What the fuck, Addie.

YOU
I swear to god, Imogen, you just ghost until you can be confused about Addie.

WANGTHEFUCK
Well, time zones are bitches.

YOU
Wait, what do you mean?

STEAMYJK
She's from New Zealand.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Wait, youRE AUSTRALIAN??

WANGTHEFUCK
i sweAR TO G O D

HOTAE
Here she goes.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Wait, what?

WANGTHEFUCK
I'M FROM NEW ZEALAND.
IS NEW ZEALAND AUSTRALIA?
NO.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
AUCKLAND.
NOT AUSTRALIA.

YOU
Okay.
Sooooo that came out of nowhere.

HOTAE
Not really she's just super defensive about New Zealand.

YOU
I'm now going to save a shit ton of New Zealand memes.

HERESYOURRAMEN
One step ahead of you.

YOU
I love you.

HERESYOURRAMEN
I know.
*hair flip*

YOU
Wow a gay king.

STEAMYJK
Let's be honest here.
The real gay kings are Changlix.

YOU
Don't forget Taekook.

DARK.RAPPER
Wtf is a Changlix?

YOU
eYE—

HOTAE
Wait, Ben. Why are you up?

YOU
Oh wait, shit.
It's two A.M. there.
What the FUCK
BOTH OF YOU S L E E P
YOU CAN INTRODUCE YOURSELF TOMORROW.

HERESYOURRAMEN
D O N T T E L L M E W H A T T O D O

YOU
LIAM GET YOUR ASS IN BED.

HERESYOURRAMEN
N O

YOU
you're right, you need Olivia first.

STEAMYJK
eYE—
I leave for oNE MINUTE
AND HAYLE ALREADY EXPOSES ME
wait.
fUCK.
UMMMMM.
*Googles how to delete yourself*

YOU
I literally don't even need to expose you.
You do it yourself.

STEAMYJK
S H U T U P

HERESYOURRAMEN
What the fuck is happening??

YOU
Did you even read what happened?
Olivia exposed herself.

HERESYOURRAMEN
How?

YOU
Wow.
He's dumb.
Ummmmmm it's obvious.
She.
Likes.
NO ONE.

CHANGAROO
I'm so confused right now.
The shift in that text was just ...
What?

HOTAE
Olivia just got home from work.
She literally drove here as fast as she could.
And as soon as she did, she tackled Hayle and stole her phone.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Jesus Christ.
That's some chaotic shit right there.

CHANGAROO
Also, are we not talking about how they know where the other lives?

HOTAE
Chris ....
We live together.

CHANGAROO
That would make sense.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Wow.
Wow.
An intellectual.

YOU
Okay, I'm back.
With a few bruises and probably a broken rib but iTs FiNe

STEAMYJK
Shut up, hoe.
You deserved it.

DANDYBOI
Ummmmm
What the fuck.

YOU
Hey, Skip.
And don't worry.
This happens all the time.

STEAMYJK
This happens all the time.

HOTAE
This happens all the time.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Holy shit.

CHANGAROO
You guys really are the same person.

YOU
Is no one mentioning the fact that there are literally three new people who haven't introduced themselves yet?

GLOWING.JIN
It's better if we ignore them.
Trust me.

YOU
This just further proves my theory that Jace is an asshole.

GLOWING.JIN
Wow.
What warranted that.

YOU
Read at 1:32 PM

GLOWING.JIN
Hayle.
You realise you texted that, right?

YOU
Yes.
I'm extra.
Got a problem?

GLOWING.JIN
Nope.
I think it's cute.

YOU
Hm.
Good for you.
I think you're an asshole.
Glad we cleared that up.

FENNEC.F.CKER
I'm sensing tea.

YOU
Jon, gO TO SLEEP

DANDYBOI
uM ANYWAYS
We'll introduce tomorrow.
That okay?

HOTAE
Let's go with that.

YOU
Okay, now sleep, my children.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Fine.

STEAMYJK
Night, Liam.

HERESYOURRAMEN
Night, beautiful.
Take care of yourself.

STEAMYJK
uMMMM

YOU
Here lies Olivia Ellen Kirkpatrick.
August 5th, 2000 - Whatever The Fuck The Date Is