Him & I

9

"Oh please, spare me that bullshit."

"Nathan!" Mercedes scolds at the same time my hands swing to cover my brother's ears. However, he might've heard it already. Not at this moment exactly, but from anywhere else, the world isn't that pure.

Mercedes calls out his name again, but this time around it comes out milder. And broken, like she's begging.

It's been thirty minutes since we arrived and they still are yet to end their argument - not like they know we're here, though. We've been right out their door instead.

Sometimes I wonder to ring the doorbell, other times I decide we should leave, yet we never actually do either - I justify my actions with the fact that ringing the doorbell would be awkward and leaving would hurt Toby.

But perhaps deep down i'm eavesdropping.

"What's his name?" Nathan's cold voice overtakes the room, even spilling out to the hallway. Maybe even the neighbors can hear, though they'd be used to it by now. I'm used to it. "What does he look like? Is he alive? Is he- dead? Is he dead?"

The only answer his mother gives is a series of sobs. Sobs that can only come from a broken heart. I hope the answer to his last question isn't true.

There are times I want to understand her and there are times that I just can't because everyone deserves to at least know who their father is. Or was.

My hands swing over my brother's ears once again when he yells out yet another curse word. 'We should probably go' is the thought, but that has been the thought since we got here. The only time I decide to now act upon it is when I hear his mom ask where he's going.

Which means he's coming out.

My hands grip Toby's shoulders on impulse.

"Where do you think I'm going?" He spits back.

"Nathan, no, stop!"

Yes, Nathan, no stop because how do I explain our presence behind his door without stumbling over words?

My brain's first choice is to hide behind the green ornamental plant, before realizing it's only around three feet tall. The thing can't even hide a tiny Toby.

I'm about resigning faith and just admitting to him the truth, when it looks Mercedes said something that aggravates him even more so he stays back to argue. The universe doesn't really hate me, after all.

A sigh of relief leaves my lips as I coo to Toby. "We might have to go, I'm sorry."

He gets out of my hold immediately with a shrug, "Alright."

That shrug.

I never really know when he truly cares or when he truly... doesn't, you know? He's been shrugging his whole life.

"Are you hurt?"

"My legs are. We've been standing out this door for hours." He says without exactly looking at me.

"Okay." I say carefully, "And how about your feelings?"

Another shrug. "Doesn't really matter."

Nathan lives in an apartment house. A lot of people might know already what it looks like but the first time I knew of one was when I came here.

It's similar to a hotel - in my point of view, there's a lobby downstairs, and there's sort of another lobby up here but much smaller. In the one here, there's only a coffee-brown solo sofa to match along with the soft brown walls, a t.v and a few other decorations including that ornamental plant I'd talked about earlier. Then there's the long corridor with apartments right opposite one another.