Guarded Love

Chapter 26

Essence

"You sure about this now?" Demetrius asked for like the hundredth time. "I can just go get a room to myself."

"It's a waste of time and money since we're all leaving tomorrow." At first I was planning to stay for a few extra days but everyone else is leaving so I might as well too. Demetrius was going to get himself a room but I told him he might as well share mine for the night. I admit, I'm a bit nervous about staying in the same bed as him but I've done it once before so it should be alright.

"Just letting you know I have roaming hands," he smirked.

"I will cut you," I threatened. He chuckled before going to take a shower.

Dinner was...interesting. There was a lot of tension between Bryson and Rhi. There wasn't much anyone could say or do. They both ended up leaving early. Not together so I'm not sure what's going to happen with them. Maybe is wasn't meant to be. My phone started ringing and I looked at the caller ID. It was Andre. "Hello?"

"I see you finally turned your phone back on runaway. Is everything cool now?"

"For the most part. I just needed time to think."

"I see. That was a clever lie you pulled."

"Sorry. I just knew you guys wouldn't push me as much if you thought it had something to do with Mickey."

"It's fine. I can admit we can be a little much but you've got to understand-"

"I do Andre. I'm the baby. Everyone's going to be on me."

"It's not just that. Mickey was abused right under everyone's noses. We don't want something bad to happen to you like that either." I felt a pang of guilt. "And considering how secretive you are it's hard to know when you're really good and when you're not. We just worry about you."

"I get it. I'm going to be more open with you guys I swear. You don't have to worry so much." Demetrius walked out of the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his waist. I became very interested in his beautifully crafted body. If I didn't have more self-control I'd probably start drooling.

He smirked when he caught me. "Dang girl, look ready to devour a nigga."

"I wouldn't mind a taste of that," I muttered.

"Excuse me?" Andre said. I slapped my hand over my mouth as my face heated up. Demetrius did nothing but laugh. "What's going on there?"

"Nothing!" I yelled. "It's nothing. I have to go. Love you! Bye!" I hung up and dropped my head into my hands. "That was so embarrassing."

"You're just a big ball of awkward aren't you?" I glared at him as he slid on his shirt. I got a text and looked at it. Of course it was from Andre.

Demon asshat: Just because you're 25 doesn't mean your ass is grown. I sent him there to talk nothing else. But since shit is going good for you guys mom and pops expect him AND you to be here for the holidays.

"No," I groaned falling back on the bed.

"What dramatic?"

"My people," I sighed propping myself up. "They invited you to Thanksgiving dinner."

"Word? That's cool."

"No it's not. My family is bat shit crazy."

"I'm aware," he said climbing into bed. "You met my family. It's only right I make time for yours. Besides," he picked me up making me gasp in surprise. I grabbed the front of my dress and pulled it down since I was not wearing any underwear. He sat me down right on his private area. "I'm going to be apart of it in the future."

"No you're not," I blushed.

"Keep telling yourself that princess. Now that we've eaten and are washed up. Don't you have something to tell me?" I traced over his tattoos mindlessly. "If you don't want to talk about it I understand."

"No it's okay." I took in a deep breath before diving into the whole thing. I told him about Mickey, everything she went through and everything we found out. How hard it was to accept the truth. I guess it was easier to swallow now since I'm older. I only shed a few tears by the time I had finished my story.

"Damn," He said. "That's...that's a lot. Sick as fuck what your uncles did."

"Yeah," I muttered. "It's worse because none of us saw the signs. She was always so self-conscious and quiet that it was kind of hard to tell. At least for me. I think Andre and my parents knew something was wrong but she never said anything. I guess all the pretending got to her and she couldn't take it anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that princess." He pulled me down and hugged me close. It felt...good. Right. 

"Sometimes I reflect on it. On the time months before she took her life. See if there were any signs I missed. I sometimes blamed myself for being so oblivious to it all. Blaming myself for not tell my parents the times I'd hear her cry herself to sleep. Maybe if I said something, she would be alive. Got the help she needed."

"I feel that. I can't say I know how you feel. Even though my birth mother died I can never say that I miss her per se. I didn't know her and I always had Jess there so it wasn't like I lacked in a mother's love. But I do know the feeling of blaming yourself. I used to blame myself for her death all the time growing up. It was part of the reason why I acted up so much before going to Atlanta. I made bad choices and thought my mother's sacrifice was for nothing. 'Why give up your life for someone as useless as me?' It was something I often asked. I often blamed myself for not missing her like I should've."

"Do you still blame yourself?"

"Not as much. Instead of obsessing over the past I decided to live for her in the present and future. Change who I am and realize that even though she's not here physically, a part of her is still alive because of me. I carry her spirit and as long as I'm still alive a part of her is too."

"That's inspirational," I looked up at him. 

"My grandmother told me that and after listening to her things got better. I cleaned up my act and thought of my mother as this spirit living with me, beside me, through me."

"Do you know anything about her?"

"Just the little my pops told me. She was apparently a really good person. Did charity work and shit like that. Sometimes I would do some volunteer work or host benefit parties to kind of feel more connected to her in some way. It's not much but it does make me feel closer to her. "

"You volunteer?" I asked in shock. "I had n o idea."

"No one except Jess knows. I'd go to the homeless shelter and help out here and there. Make large donations and buy food for most big holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm not just a thug princess."

I nodded, finally seeing that. His profession really doesn't define who he is. I always looked at him like some cocky asshat with a sinister sense of humor. Now I'm starting to see he has many layers to him. And to know I'm one of only two people who know this about him makes me feel special. "Do you know your mother's family?"

"The only family she had left was her mother. My uncle died before I could get to know him. I'd talk to my grandmother here and there. That woman is a mess. While my father's mother is an old school figure head she was also sweet. Total opposite of my pops. My other grandmother should've been his mom how extra she is," he chuckled. "She used to put me in my place all the time saying she'd been in a gang and shit and wasn't afraid of my black ass." He laughed making me smile. "I also have a cousin apparently but we haven't met yet."

"Do you want to?"

"Sometimes yeah." He went on telling me more things I didn't know about him. It was nice and relaxing. I'm not so sure when we fell asleep but I do know it was probably the most peaceful sleep I had in years. 

Tell me what you all think about this chapter!