Sorry this took so long! Been having health problems. Lol.
For: @preabevee
Warning: This one shot will contain elements of self harm and other trauma. If you have trauma surrounding the topic of self harm, I advise you to stop reading. Much love to you all.❤️
~~~~~
Your mind went blank.
The only thing you were able to think about was the knife strapped around your thigh.
You were stressed.
You were hopeless.
You were depressed.
The only thing keeping you sane was the feeling of the cold blade running against the skin of your inner thigh. The feeling of the warm blood rushing to clot the wound had become a release. It was as if the blood had toxins you wanted to release from your body.
At this point, it was a habit... an addiction.
You laid in your futon, and next to you was your beloved Saito Hajime.
He was a quiet person who you took a liking to right away. At first, whenever you were with him, you wouldn't even think about harming yourself, but as time passed and the situation in your home became worse, you couldn't help it.
Your dad was an alcoholic. He drank and continually harmed you and your siblings.
It started a couple years ago when your mom passed and it only became worse since then.
You watched Saito's sleeping face and felt an aching in your heart. If he knew that you were physically harming yourself like this, he would not tolerate it.
One of your hands moved to caress his cheek. "Hajime, I'm going to go home." You kissed his forehead.
"Let me walk you back." He opened his tired eyes.
"No." You pressed your forehead to his own. "Please get some rest. You've been so busy lately, I'm glad you're finally resting."
"I-I see." He thought for a moment. "Then at least let me walk you to the door."
"Alright." You agreed.
Saito sat up and tightened his obi. You loved nights like tonight when he let his hair free from its restraints. It was long, luscious, and a very beautiful purple.
"Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?" Saito asked, he was obviously worried.
"Yes!" You smiled. "You taught me everything I know about fighting. Have more faith in your student."
"You're right." He kissed your forehead. "Get home safely."
"I will." You smiled up at him with nothing but love.
~~~~~
Arriving at your house, you could already hear the yelling coming from inside.
"Where is your useless sister?" You could hear your father yell.
"I-I don't know." Your timid younger brother was obviously frightened.
"I'm home." You slid the door open. "Did you need something from me, father?"
"Yeah, you lazy whore." It was obvious that he drank more than he usually did. "Where have you been all night? If you made money from selling yourself, then hand it over. I could really use it for some more sake."
"But I wasn't-"
"I don't want an explanation bitch!" Your father yelled. "Just give me the fucking money and get outta here. I don't wanna see you or your mom look-a-likes again."
"W-what?" You were shocked. He was kicking you out?
"Get the fuck outta here, whore." He waved his hand like he was dismissing a slave. "Take the other two useless fucks with you. Maybe they can sell themselves too... If you leave them, I might just sell them."
"Onee-chan..." The youngest, at four years old, came to cling onto your kimono.
"C-Can we leave now?" Your younger brother asked.
"Yeah, let's leave." You took their hands and left the house.
"Where are we going now?" Your brother asked.
"An orphanage." You smiled at them. "Maybe we'll meet a new family there."
That's what you said, but as soon as you got to the orphanage, you found out that "kids as old as you" weren't being accepted.
"But if you wanted to adopt the younger two, let us know. It would be possible." The orphanage stated.
Your younger sister protested and cried, but your younger brother had faith that you would come back for them and stayed strong.
You weren't like either of them.
All you wanted to do now was die.
Your siblings were taken care of, your father was out of your life, and Hajime was sound asleep without any worries.
It was still night time.
You sat alone by a pond.
Your feet dangling off of the edge and into the pool of water.
You began to submerge more and more of your body into the pond to the point where your head was the only thing above water.
"Goodbye." You allowed your head to be engulfed by the water.
1...
2...
3...
You were counting.
It's not like you knew what you were counting for, you were just counting.
16...
17...
18...
Before you could get to 19, something grabbed your arm, pulling you out of the water.
The shock made you open your mouth, and you gasped, choking on the water.
"I'm glad I made it on time." You heard a familiar voice sigh out of relief.
"Hajime..." You were surprised that he knew where to find you.
"I knew something was off." He groaned at his inattentiveness toward your feelings. "You kept presenting yourself to me with new scars and cuts and I thought it was odd. I never thought you would wish to leave me behind like this, though."
"H-H-Hajime!" You wrapped your arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder.
"Don't ever do something like this again." He held you gently and stroked your back. "I do not know what I would do without you."
"Me too..." You sobbed. "B-But how did you-"
"I found your siblings at an orphanage. They told me what direction you left in."
"T-Then why did you come looking for me?"
"I had a bad feeling about tonight."
"You chased me based on a feeling?" You giggled, wiping at your tears.
"Hey, that feeling saved your life." He hugged you even tighter. "And now you have to be with me 24/7. All the time, so I can keep a close eye on you."
"I wouldn't mind that." You cried. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too. From now on, just know that I'll always be here." Saito whispered.
