I woke up to a stinging sensation on my inner thighs. CC isn't with me. He's sleeping with Anna in the guestroom so I'm safe to check. Confused, I pull my pj pants down a little only to find fresh cuts all over it. Suddenly memories of last night march into my brain.
"Andy's gone. He's gone and I can't take it," I sobbed into CC's arms.
"Ash, you'll get through it. Let us help you," CC said trying to comfort me.
The guys surrounded me, embracing me in a group hug before Jake suggested that some action be taken. What he suggested drove me nuts. I was not to be left unsupervised at any time and all alcohol were to be removed from my sight. Kind of impossible to do. I love my independence and alcohol is my means of escape. There is no way that they were going to take that away from me. I fought them off and ran upstairs to my room, locking the door. They were shouting and screaming as much as they could, but eventually gave up. And it was at that moment, when loneliness overwhelmed my soul, when I realized that my family was gone and that the one I loved so dearly no longer had a place for me in his heart, that I felt the need for any other pain rather than the pain of Andy being gone. So I took a glass on the table at my bedside and smashed it to pieces. I picked up a piece of glass and did what I never thought was possible. I cut it right across my thigh, not wanting to do it on a place that would be visible to anyone. And the pain was so good. All thoughts of Andy were lost in the burning sensation I felt against my skin. It gave me something else to focus on. So I did again. And then again. When I was finished, my entire left thigh was filled with cuts and the only pain I felt was the burning of the wounds. No more Andy. I slipped into bed and cried myself to sleep.
Jesus, I really am losing it. I've never cut in my life. I've always been strong. But this thing with Andy, it's really messing with my mind. It's the worst I've felt in years. I've never lost someone that I love this much and I guess that's why I don't know how to cope with it. Andy has been my every thing for years and for him to just leave with no explanation, to say that he doesn't love, it's something that time won't heal.
"Ashley?" I heard CC call from outside my room. I quickly jumped out of bed and unlocked the door to my bedroom letting CC in. Obviously, I got rid of the blood-filled glass first. And the broken glass is the first thing that CC notices when he enters the room. He shoots me a questioning look and I quickly think of a lie.
"Uhm, I might have thrown a tantrum last night," I say scratching the back of my head.
CC sighs and walks towards the curtains. He opens the curtains, but leaves the windows closed since it is storming outside. Great, it's storming. This is our favourite weather. Andy and I would cuddle up and just sleep together, talk or watch a movie together in this weather. It's just a painful reminder of what we used to be.
"Anna and I are going to prepare breakfast. Make sure that you shower or bathe please," CC says as he gives me a tight hug before leaving the room.
He's right. I should wash myself. I smell like a dead animal in a garbage can. We've swapped roles Jinxx. Well done. When I undress myself, my smell becomes even more prominent and then it hits me. The last time I washed myself was two days ago. I didn't even realize it because I was so consumed by thoughts of Andy. I can't get him out of my head. Did I think that this would be easy? When I step into the shower I begin washing myself and when I reach my thighs, I let the hot water run over it. This is just what I need. I need to feel the burn. It burns so much and it feels good. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time.
Once I have finished showering and dressed myself, I decide to join CC and Anna downstairs. Last night I was pretty dramatic. What must they think of me? Let's just hope they don't interrogate me now. It's the last thing I need.

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Eternally yours(Sequel to 'Will you my saviour?')
FanfictionAndy and Ashley are finally married and have their own family. This is their happy ending, or so they thought. Andy suddenly grows distant from Ashley after six years of a wonderful marriage, leaving Ashley confused and heartbroken . What is Andy hi...