Eternally yours(Sequel to 'Will you my saviour?')

Chapter 10- Am I losing it?

I fell back onto my hard, cold bed as I kept my gaze on the blowing leaves of trees outside the window. Then I turned my attention to the rain droplets racing down the window. It was the only company I had now. Taking a small piece of glass which I kept hidden under my pillow, I slid it across my thighs once again and observed the hatred flowing out of the wound. Hatred for Andy, for CC, for everyone. I took my fingers and dug it into my wound before I swept the blood across the wall next to my bed with my unsteady fingers. I broke down as I did so, my eyes puffy, red and tears flowing onto my bed. This wall needed some life. Something to distract me from the emptiness I felt inside. It was just as empty as I was. As this room was. I quickly laid back onto my bed as I heard footsteps approaching. The footsteps turned into silence followed by a woman's gasp.

"Ashley?"

I remained silent but before I knew it I was being dragged out of the room and landed right in the "office".

"I'm not insane! Get me out of here!" I screamed and stamped my feet onto the ground, my tears falling onto the floor.

Everyone in here must be deaf because as soon as I said those words, I was injected in my right arm as I was kept still by a worker. I felt my body start to relax and my eyes became heavier before I collapsed.

***
"Ashley! Ashley!"

I shot my eyes open, adjusting to the bright light before I turned my eyes to the worker outside of my room.

"Get ready. Lunch starts soon and then you'll be let out for some tv and games."

I slowly dragged myself out of bed and realized that I was put in a new room. The walls were painted dull green and there was no window. That will make me more depressed. Why is it designed this way?  Why did I have to smear the blood across the wall? I finished putting on my boots and wrapping myself  in many jackets before the woman returned again and escorted me to the other patients. Sitting in silence I waited patiently for my food to arrive. The other patients seemed to enjoy this time. Some of them were playing like little children, others were watching tv, some sat in silence like I am, and others just slept. I hate this place. I don't belong here. No, I don't have something against the mentally challenged but I don't belong here. I'm just grieving. Don't people get that?

"We all feel that way. There's always a reason why we don't belong here. Whether that be grief or anything else."

I turned my face to the person who sat beside me. A withered man. His gray hairs were entangled and looked as if they had been blown by the wind, distracting me from all the wrinkles on his despondent face. I remained silent and looked in front of me in hopes of avoiding a  conversation. I really do not want to speak to anyone right now. Could I please just have silence for one day? Could these thoughts ever be silenced?

The man must have taken the hint because he got up and then when I looked around again, he was out of sight. Suddenly I felt bad. Was I being rude? That man probably wanted company. Who knows how long he's been in here for. Hopefully Andy decides to visit me if he knows I'm locked up in here. What happened last night was very weird. CC has some explaining to do. He knows something about Andy and he knows how I feel about him ,yet he remains silent. He doesn't tell me anything about Andy. And I miss him. I miss him so much. At least now I know that he is alive. And when he touched my face last night it felt like magic again. Andy, Andy, Andy! You're the reason I'm in here. You drive me insane. You hurt me. You make my blood boil. Yet, I still love you. I love you so much. I love your bright blue eyes, your soft, pink lips complimenting your beautiful, clear, pale skin. Your deep voice. Your hugs. Your kisses. Your maturity. Your determination. Your strength. Your dedication, passion, talents, the way you handle a difficult situation. Your confidence. You came into my life and made a better person. You always believed in me. You saw the best in me. Encouraged me to carrying on trying when I felt like giving up. Heck, you saved my life that night when I tried to kill myself. But, eventually you got tired of me. You threw me away. And although it hurts so much, although you made me into a broken person who doesn't trust anyone now, I still freaking love you. I just wish you were here right now. We could forget all this ever happened, put it behind us and move forward. I would be so happy. But you're not.

"Ashley, you have visitors!" A  woman screamed. She  was the same woman who passed my room earlier.

I got up from my table just as my food was put down in front of me. Grabbing my plate, I made my way to the visitors' lounge and was greeted by Jinxx, Jake,and the person who I wanted to strangle to death, CC.

"Where's Clementine?"

Silence.

"Hey Ash," Jinxx started.

"Where's Clementine?"

"Ash?"

I stuffed a piece of chicken into my mouth, the sauce dripping down my cheeks and remained silent.

"Ashley ?" Jake asked.

"What?" I mumbled, my  mouth too stuffed to talk properly.

"How are you doing buddy?" They asked in union with CC.

"None of you have the right to fucking buddy me. Fuck you!" I shouted as my food fell from my mouth.

Jinxx sighed loudly  and groaned as his face became filled with blood. "Ashley! Fucking look at you! Look at you!"

"You see what I mean," I replied throwing my hands in the air. "You guys put me in here. After I begged you not to send me here! And you call yourself friends?"

"Ashley-"

"Don't say my name."

"Ash, you know we care. Trust us."

I laughed at Jake's words. "Trust us!" Once my  laughing started I couldn't stop. I laughed so much that I felt my tummy ache and my face became filled with my tears.

"Ash?" Jake asked confused.

"Did, did you hear your- yourself ?" I laughed. "Trust us. Trust you? Me trust you guys? After Andy betrayed me the way he did, how can I trust anyone? How can I trust you guys? And just look at where you brought me. To the freaking asylum! After I begged you not to!"

When Jake approached me I felt my heart race and I began feeling hot. He walked slowly towards me and the nearer he came, the more I moved away. What is he trying to do? After careful consideration I asked him to stop. But he just came nearer. My clothes became soaked with my tears as Jake didn't listen and continued approaching me.

"Get away from me!" I shouted.

Jinxx, Jake and CC started shouting at me and my fear intensified. When Jake's hand touched me I flinched expecting him to hurt me, so I punched him in his face. The workers immediately rushed in and told the guys to leave. All three of them looked at me, their eyes filled with sadness. With pity. With tears.

"Sorry," Jinxx said barely audible. It was more like a whisper.

"CC! You stay!" I demanded knowing I had the workers to protect me if CC even tried to touch me.

CC nodded. Jake and Jinxx exited the room and I scanned CC's face. He was sad. No. He was more than sad. Hopeless, devastated. He looked as if he were fighting a battle which he just couldn't win. A battle within his mind.

"Tell me one thing!" I snapped.

"What Ashley ?"

"Where's Andy?"

"Andy is dead Ash!"

How dare he lie to me. Does he think I'm crazy? Oh yeah, he does. If I remember correctly, he was the one who suggested I be put it in here.

"Don't fucking lie to me CC!"

"I'm not," he cried.

"Well, I don't believe you. I saw him last night. He touched me. He spoke to me. He spoke to you. You spoke to him. He was in the backseat of your fucking car!"

"Ashley!" CC shouted. He was still crying. "That never happened. It's the reason we brought you here. You keep  seeing Andy when he's not there. You keep seeing things. It's not healthy and we don't know how to deal with it!"

"You're lying!"

"Ash-"

"Get him out now!" I shouted as I tried to process what he had just told me.

No. Andy is very much alive. I refuse to believe that what I saw last night was an hallucination. It felt too real.