sugar baby [h.s]

seventeen

Much to my displeasure, the two men and the woman from earlier also join us at our table as Harry and I sit down. They seem to be preoccupied with speaking to another older gentleman at our table so maybe I will be spared from having to converse with them through the night. Several people greet Harry as they pass him, presumably on the way to their own tables. Harry doesn't bother to introduce me to any of them as they chat, though I get a couple of nosy looks as they pass us by. I feel so completely invisible to Harry, and yet everyone else in the room is staring at me.

"Welcome everyone, thank you so much for joining us this evening. As many of you may already know; my name is Lisa Robertson and I will be your host for the evening" The glamorous woman on the stage pauses as she is showered in applause, I politely clap along with the crowd.

"I have worked with Stand Up To Cancer for the last fifteen years and I am honoured to be here with you tonight so let's make it a great one. We will be beginning the evening with our dinner service before we have a short break that will be followed by the charity auction"

As though by magic, a flurry of waiters in white suit jackets appear from nowhere carrying plates of food and begin to place them down in front of the diners. I guess fancy events like this start with a small plate of salad, as I find out when a plate is placed down in front of me.

Everyone begins to eat and idly chat around is, a bundle of nerves start to bubble up within my stomach. It's causing me to actively loose my appetite as I take small bites of the lettuce leaves.

"What have you told these people about me?" I lean close to Harry's side and whisper to him, so that only the two of us can hear. If he spun such a story about how we met with some confidence then he must have some idea of the girl he wants me to be.

"Nothing" he simply replies after having a small sip of his drink. His eyes are on me, but I feel as though he's looking through me. The only time I've ever seen him have a similar is when he's talking to his staff, or even John. There's an odd emptiness to him, like he's speaking for someone he has little regard for. And fuck does it hurt, but I brush it aside. Stick to the contract, don't make a scene.

"If they ask me about myself, do you want me to lie?" I ask him in a voice barely above a whisper, though there is a slight tilt to my voice.

"If you wish, if you do decide to embellish just make sure you can remember what you've said" his tone conveys one of kindness, but his words cut like a knife. He's not telling me to lie explicitly, but it's not the answer that I hoped I would get. No 'be yourself, I like who you are and if they don't like you well I don't give a rats ass' or anything like that. He barely knows anything about me really, apart from the very little I've told him and yet he still doesn't want me to tell the full truth about myself. He seems to be very comfortable with lying, it makes me wonder if anything he's said to me has ever been really true. Maybe the only true things he's said to me have been when he's in stressed situations: I'm childish, a whore, an employee.

"What do you want me to do?" I reiterate the point. I'm terrified of having to talk to these other people about myself, and I don't want to embarrass either Harry or myself if we get caught in some kind of lie.

"Just make yourself look good" He looks back towards the group and starts to eat his food, effectively ending the conversation between us. And it's in that instance that all the compliments he has given me disappear into thin air. He doesn't think I look good on my own, in the surface level he knows me at. He wants something completely different to who I really am. My outward packaging is fine for him, but the second someone starts to take a closer look he wants to change me.

I nod my head and stare down at the freshly green salad still sitting in front of me, willing myself not to cry and run out of there. I push my fork around my plate and manage to eat a few leaves before, mercifully, the waiters appear to clear everyone's plates away. However the relief is only short lived as they appear a few minutes later with a much larger plate of food. And though the smell emanating from the plate is mouth watering, I can only manage a few small bites of the steak and vegetables.