The Identity Of The Sinful Miracle

f o r t y - s i x

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∽ m i r a c l e ' s  p e r s p e c t i v e ∽

"You know that I was the one who killed her?" I ask while my head is arch down on his table. I hide face to my arms, silently crying.

"Yes," With a soft voice, Tito Yan brushes my hair. "I'm sorry for lying to you, Natsu."

"Why you never told me?" I spat my anger to him with full of accusations. "Why do all of you people keep on lying to me?"

"We thought that it's better for you not to remember it. We were trying to protect you."

"Screw that with some shits!" I bawled out. "I'm freaking tired hearing of that same old reason! Protecting me? From what? From my own fucking identity? The hell is with that!"

I couldn't stand it. And I just cried hopelessly.

"Why can't I remember it, in the first place?" I ask him, having a mad tone.

He sighs, "It has something to do with the brainwashing in your childhood. Will Nakajima deceived you. You told anyone that time what really happened inside the house of the Cain's, but it caused you a great trauma and guilt. Your parents suffered seeing you miserable, that's why they did what they need to do."

I never answered back. It becomes silent, hearing nothing but my silent pleas.

It's been two days since I discovered the truth. I have caged myself inside my room. I didn't go out.

There were times that Mom will bring me food and then tell me that she was so sorry. While me, I have kept my solitary agonies locked inside of my chests. I have hidden my melancholies to a smile and replied, "It is okay. I'll be fine, just give me some time . . . please."

My Mom would smile back at me and kiss my forehead. "Fine, then. Let's talk if you are ready."

I feigned a happy look and nodded at her.

Two days, I've been pretending to be fine. And then I realized that I have perfected being a liar.

Chance is right. I'm a professional liar.

"It hurts still. And I never told them how painful it seems. I never had the strength to tell my miseries." I clench my fists to avoid crying audibly.

"Hey, hey, Natsumi . . ." Tito Ian grabs my arms and tries to make me face him. "Look at me,"

"No!" I reply and bow down firmly. I can't show him my tears.

"Child, it's okay to cry showing your face. There's nothing to be ashamed of that." he calms me down; and after a while, I decide to look up.

As my hair is being messed up in my face, I wipe my tears and then face him. I sniff loudly, eyes glued on my lap.

"Look what happened to my beautiful summer." he prompts, "Those eyes are not meant to cry, they are meant to shine like the summer."