chapter seventeen - cruelty

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My tears are blurring the words on the page

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My tears are blurring the words on the page. The words are printed out in regimented order, nothing was out of place and the black ink never wavered in it's block colors - the ink creaming out with its information in boldness. The sinking feeling in my chest never lifted, as though a weight was dropped onto it and my arms were too weak to pick it back off.

I was too weak. As my eyes scanned the devastating article, I knew I hadn't been strong enough. Strong enough to push him away, to create diversions. Instead, my non-existent strength had left me gasping for air and wishing for some life to come back into my body. For something to happen so that I could disregard the words in front of me - the cruel, ruthless words that were ripping my life apart by the seams, one letter at a time.

My laptop screen shouted for my attention, the screen expelling light and casting a shadow across all of the other papers laid out in front of me. There must of been over fifty of them, the small spark that the one article had lit was now turning into a wildfire. The worst one I've ever come across and the fumes were poisonous for my relationship. There was no stopping it, it would've been a waste to try and stop this.

The city that never sleeps seems to be sleeping now as a breeze makes it through the window I opened when I was practically hyperventilating. The city is quiet and the lights are dulled down, much like myself. All at once, I feel alone. There's no-one in in this whole city who can help me, our situation is our own and trying to ask for help would be like asking me to perform brain surgery in the morning - it would be downright dangerous and fatal.

I put my hands on top of my head and force myself to take a deep breath, the air feeling foreign against my straining lungs. I know I have to call him, I know I do. But looking across the table at the time that reads just past two am, I don't want to. I don't want to burden him with this news because I know once I tell him, this news becomes official.

Reaching a shaky hand over, I pick up my hot phone that's been buzzing with notifications and dial his number. He picks up at the last second and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to put my messy thoughts into words.

"Hello?" He asks, his voice groggy in a way that makes my heart melt.

"Hey, um, we've got a situation." I say, my voice cracking despite how hard I tried for it not to.

"Oh yeah? Are you okay?" He asks and I squeeze my eyes shut tighter, trying to keep the tears inside.

"Not really. Will you come over?" I ask, a tear trailing its way down my cheek.

"Oh course. I'll see you soon, Gorgeous." He says softly before hanging up.

It takes everything inside of my to not break down at that point. To not let my tears break free of the prison my eyes are keeping them in. I sit on the sofa for ten minutes, keeping my eyes on the plain roof above me. No matter what, I don't let my eyes hit the table or else I know I will break down.

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