Chapter 17

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Part two of my caffeinated mess 😂

Trigger warnings:self hatred, what some would consider self harm, internalized homophobia, homophobic derogatory terms.
    Minhyuk's pov
I was awoken by Kihyun poking me constantly.
"Minhyuk, wake up! It's your birthday, come on! I made you a cake!" Kihyun excitedly exclaimed in the seat beside me.
I groaned and rubbed my eyes. Once I lowered my arms, my eyes landed on the name that graced my wrist.
Lee Jooheon. Aw I can't wait to meet him! Wait, him? Oh my god, Lee Jooheon is a guy's name, and I'm sat with him!
I put my wrist down quickly before anyone else could see the disgraceful name on my wrist.
This can't be real, this has to be a joke! Haha world, it's not funny anymore, you can put the girl's name on my wrist now.
   A minute passed and I looked back down to my wrist. Not seeing a different name, I looked to the male in question.
   "Are you serious?" I growled with a glare.
"So it's true." Jooheon states as he leaned back into his chair more.
Oh my god, he's serious. Wait, he's known this entire time we were soulmates but didn't tell me? I could've at least tried to pray for this sin!
"I can- no!" I shouted as I ran out of the kitchen and into the bathroom farthest away in the dorm.
This is all a joke, Minhyuk! Yeah, just a sick joke. Scrub it off so the truth will be revealed!
I stood before the sink with a wash cloth in hand, pumping soap onto my wrist. I hastily turned the water on and began roughly scrubbing at my wrist.
Not noticing any results, I rinsed my wrist off before trying again. Nothing, it's still there. I tried scratching at my wrist, hoping I could somehow get the ink off.
By the third wash attempt, my wrist was raw and I was sobbing.
It won't come off- it won't wash off. I can't get this disgusting name off of my once smooth, pale wrist.
With the water still running, I shakily stood with a hand on each side of the sink's counter. I tried to stabilize myself as much as I could. My head grew heavy with the cold thoughts so I let it shamefully hang, tears still streaming down.
"This can't be happening." I muttered, my arms and legs shaking harder as it sunk in further and further.
Great job Minhyuk, you're a faggot too. A nasty queer. You are what you hate, what'll you do? Just sit and cry?
My hands reached up to cover my ears, hoping to drown out the sounds of my own thoughts. I knew it was futile and slid down onto the floor.
I curled up into a ball and wept.

Please do not attack me for the derogatory terms-know they have actual meanings besides being derogatory- I myself am Panromantic Asexual, aka part of the LGBTQ+

Faggot: a bundle of sticks
Queer: strange or odd
Don't believe me? Google it, look it up in your favorite dictionary, I don't care, just know they had meanings way before they became terms of hatred and abuse for the LGBTQ+

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