Two bros and The Internet

•Chapter 8•

[Writer's notice]: This chapter may cover some sensitive topics, so please note: You have been warned. This chapter covers depression.

[Mark's POV]

When I woke up, my alarm said it was noon. I would usually be bothered by this, 'cause I'm often an early bird who wakes up before 9, but instead of getting up, I simply just sunk back down into my bed and stared at the ceiling for a good god knows how long. I slowly wondered deeply into the dark corners of my mind. Does anyone actually like me? Enjoys my stupid humour? If I just died, would anyone actually care? I felt a tear roll gently down my cheek and land in my already re-grown stubble. My content isn't even entertaining, why do people 'enjoy' it? I got up, negative thoughts swarming my head, and walked to the bathroom.

My hand hesitantly reached for the cup on the edge of the sink and pulled a razor blade from it. I feel more and more tears streaming down my face as I dragged the blade across my arm, little beads of blood surfacing. I put the razor down, telling myself what I'm doing is wrong, that there may be someone who appreciates me. I went to call for Amy, to get her to help me the way she used to when this happened, only to hear my empty, cracking voice echo through the empty shell of the house. Amy's gone... Amy doesn't love me anymore. She probably never did. I sob a bit more, reaching for the blade and making a second deeper cut.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, to see my face red and puffy, tears streaming down onto my shirt, small red blotches sparsely scattered across my arm. I promised her this wouldn't happen again, I promised myself it wouldn't happen. Then I went to grab a cloth, and on my way saw a small, green sticker on the drawer which holds my towels. I stared at the sticker for a few seconds and after rubbing the tears out of my eyes, realised it was JackSepticEye's septic Sam logo. I smiled weakly to myself, remembering Sean's smile. Would he want me to do this to myself? Of course not, he's a friend. He's my friend. I drop the razor and stare at myself in hatred.

Who was I to assume what other people thought? Did I seriously believe that a razor blade would cure this heartbreak? Of course not. I wonder what he thinks would help. Sean could help, I'm sure of it. But, what if he wasn't like that? What if seeing me like this disgusted him and he couldn't bare being friends with a creep like me? I decided I'd think it over a bit, and also had a shower to clean the wounds. If only Amy were here to help.  Sometimes, I don't believe that I let her leave. Other times, I try to move on from her, get a new life. There's only one person in this world who makes me feel the same way she made me feel, yet I'm scared of him.

I need to get a hold of myself.

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[Sean's POV]

It was about 8 pm when I checked and Mark still wasn't online. This was unusual because he was usually online at about 4-ish. Maybe he was busy with some friends? But even then, it would have shown that he was online. Concerned, I checked all of his social media only to see: Last online: 2 days ago. I shook my head, agitated that I was getting so concerned about this man. He's fine. I told myself. I decided to go get a coffee to calm my nerves, but when I got to the kitchen, the jar was empty.

"God f*cking dammit!! Why does everything have to go wrong today??" I scream to the heavens and head to the front door and grab my jacket. I need coffee. As I walked down the street, I noticed the streetlights starting to turn on as the sun set behind the distant hills. It was quite refreshing really, to get out. I smiled, despite my emotions jumbling around all over the place. Everything is fine. I told myself. I walked into the convenience store and purchased a jar of coffee beans and pocketed it. Just as I was about to turn onto my street, I decided against it. What's at home that's more enjoyable than being by myself in the sunset? I start walking at a quick pace towards a local hill that I used to sit on in college to reflect on my thoughts. I was walking faster and faster when, before I knew it, I was sprinting up the winding Irish streets towards the glowing sunset.

Out of breath, I finally approached the top of the hill, relieved that there was nobody else up here. I sat at the edge of the hill, my legs sprawled out on the cold, slightly damp grass. I stared blissfully into the direct sunset, undistracted by any cities as there was nothing but farmlands for miles. This is what Ireland truly means. I start to gather all of my thoughts together and manage to rid my mind of all of the negative thoughts. However, I still have an urge to check my notifications. I guess I'm so used to checking them that I don't even notice when I do it. It took all of my strength to drag my mind away from social media and onto just me, and my loved ones. I picture every family member's face - their laugh, their smile. I picture Signe's face, only a distant quiet laugh slipped into my mind.

Then I see him. I can feel Mark's warm glow, his vibrant smile, his deep, bear-like laugh. I gaze, fascinated at his deep chocolatey eyes and purple hair. No one is around to stop me, so I grin and feel blush flutter across my nose as I imagine all of the crazy things we will say and do in future. I imagine what he would have been like when he was younger, and if we were childhood friends, how much trouble we could cause. I heard my phone buzz in my pocket and reached for it to turn it off. I didn't want any more distractions.

[Markimoo says: Sean, can I please talk to you?]

I pull my finger from the power button and press on the notification. Without a second thought, I responded: Of course Mark. What's bothering you? :)

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