She's Beautiful And Mine (gxg)

Chapter Twenty Four: It Doesn't Matter Why.

tw//bullying

Samantha

I sat alone at the table on the right, putting down my lunch tray and staring at all the newness surrounding me. I felt lonely. But not scared. I'm never scared. Or nervous. I was raised to be confident in everything that I do and be.

"Want some company?" said a voice. I turned to see a pretty attractive girl my age staring back at me.

"I would love that, actually," I replied, coolly.

She smiled and sat down opposite to me.

"I'm Helen, by the way. And you're Samantha, right?"

"Yeah. How do you know that?"

"I heard some nerds talking."

"Nerds?"

"Oh, you know. The ones in Mr. Jon's Math class who go for competitions and stuff."

"Ah. Right."

"Yeah, a bunch of losers, mostly."

I stared right at her and nodded hesitatingly. She noticed my discomfort and let out a chuckle.

"Oh, I forgot to mention. My friends and I rule this school. They're on their way here and I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

The popular clique. I should've seen that one coming.

"Oh," I simply replied, trying to sound indifferent and as casual as possible.

"So? What's it gonna be, Samantha? Wanna join us or move over to the losers' table?"

My hands moved to my tray but then I stopped. I ended up staring at my own hands.

Did I want to rule a school?

No, of course not. That's stupid.

Did I desperately need friends?

Yes. Yes, I did.

I looked up at her again and smiled with the most charm that I could bring about.

"I think I wanna stay," I said.

"Cool!" she exclaimed. Just as she did so, three guys and a girl made their way over to the table. The guy with the brown hair and attractive brown eyes locked eyes with me and smiled mischievously.

"New girl, huh?" he said, settling down next to Helen.

"Yep, that's me."

"Sandra, is it? Or is it Summer?"

"No, Samantha, actually."

"Right. Samantha," he said, in a tone like he was getting used to the name and digesting it, taking it and myself in.

"And you are?"

"Jared. Jared Goldman."

We talked. And I learnt their names one by one and committed them to memory: Jared, Shannon, Alex, Helen and Vince. And I also learnt that I was, within a lunch period, a part of their little group that bullied the others and ruled the school. They talked about all the crazy parties they'd been to, all their romantic conquests, that random kid that they bullied or cyber bullied and I stayed quiet, taking it all in. There was something about them that screamed disapproval at the slightest resistance to their ideas and words, something that silenced me from protesting, like some invisible force of will that made you agree with them on the outside.

It felt wrong. It truly did. But this was my one, true chance to prove to my parents and everybody else that I will not be the next Paris and "disappoint" them like she did.

We walked out after lunch into the hallways. Jared flipped the books into the air from the thin, weak hands of a younger kid with thick glasses and shoved him against a locker. The rest of them laughed. I stayed silent until they stared at me like it was weird to be silent. It was weird to disagree. I uncomfortably laughed along until they smiled and looked away, ignoring me to enjoy the show, reassured that I was enjoying it like they did.

Soon, they dispersed after tormenting the kid. I stayed rooted to the spot until all the bystanders walked away to their own classes. I walked over to the middle of the hallway and picked up the papers caked with muddy footprints, the scattered textbooks and the big, pink binder. I gave it to him and wiped a tear away from his cheek.

"I'm so sorry," I said softly, before walking away to join them.

"Why would you do that?" Helen asked for the millionth time. We were at Helen's place, in her room, on her bed. It was just Shannon, Helen and I. The girls.

"I just don't like him like that anymore."

"That's ridiculous! You get the chance to date a Goldman and you give it up over what? Some girl?"

"For the last time, I didn't give him up for Harley."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Let's see. Stay away from her for a week. Let me see you do that."

"Why should I?"

She tutted at that. "It doesn't matter why."

I was getting tired of people dictating my life like they were born to do so. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me.

"You know what, Helen? I'm fucking done listening to you and everybody else dictating my life and doing what they want me to do. Fuck you guys!"

The both of them glared at me from the bed. I stood up and stared down at them determinedly.

"I'm done being somebody I'm not. So you know what? That means I'm done pretending to be an entitled, homophobic bully to fit in with you. And guess what, I'll fuck Harley if I want to. I'll talk to who I want to. I'm done with your crap," I said, and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I ran out of the house and onto the streets. My mind wasn't doing a lot of thinking anymore. My legs carried me all the way to Harley's as the cold, winter air hit me in the face and the warm evening hue filled the sky with purple, orange, yellow and red. The sky was like a huge, huge bruise slowly healing into nonexistence as night fell.

I rang the doorbell twice and stared at the wooden door that I'd become quite familiar with by now. That unknown feeling that had flooded me days ago when I'd been with her last came to me yet again.

The door opened and a red-nosed, puffy eyed Harley stared back at me. She'd obviously been crying. I felt my heart beat quicken as I took all of her in and her eyes locked with mine.

I felt an overwhelming sensation of need. I'd never wanted something more in my life. I couldn't quite place a finger on the reason, but my mind was too filled up and brimming with thoughts to focus on that one thing. In that moment, it was like this right here mattered the most in the world.

I grabbed her by the nape of her soft neck and pulled her towards me, her lips connecting with mine as all the voices were drowned out and her familar arms were finally around me again, holding me close.

***

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queenred