the magician//d.winchester

18.

8 hours was too fast of a drive. The second I saw the sign saying " Colorado Welcomes You." I grabbed Dean's arm so tight he slammed on the brakes. " What's wrong!?"

" I need a minute."

He drove down the road a ways, pulling into an empty motel. " Okay." He said, " Let's take a breather."

We checked in, setting our stuff on the beds. " I'm getting some air."

" Harper-"

I slammed the door behind me, resting on the Impala. It was cold and rainy, the sky dark and miserable. I was miserable. My head was pounding, I heard Angel radio as I got closer to the city. They were loud. They were scared. " Shut up!" I screamed at them.

It didn't dull. I put my hands over my ears, wanting cry. I hated this. I hated being alive. I hated what my life was now. " Shut up!" I screamed at the angels again, " Just be quiet! This is your fault!"

That quieted them down. I looked at the sky, " You stupid winged pieces of shit." I whispered.

" You're cute when you're screaming at the sky like a totally sane person."

Dean was still a smug piece of shit. I frowned, " They never shut up."

" I know." He said, " And I know what you're thinking. And you aren't going to Denver alone."

" Could either of you stop me?"

" No. But if you die I can go and get myself killed trying to kill the thing that kills you. So let's all agree not to be morons."

I frowned at him, staying stiff when he put his hand on my cheek, " All hunters are morons."

" Let's try not to be, then."

I held my hand to his, " Does this work on all the girls?"

" I don't go through this effort for all the girls."

" Only the half angels."

" You're impossible."

" I'm scared of you all dying." I sighed, " And if we do get rid of Chuck. Then what? Jack and I have to take over this cosmic balance, keeping the universe okay? Then what? We never see you and Sam again?"

He clenched his jaw, " Yeah probably. I hate to be honest with myself, but I have no idea how this ends. I just have to hope that you and Jack live through it, even if Sam and I don't."

" Why can't you just let me do this by myself?" My voice cracked, " Take a knee for once. You've saved the world too many times. You're so tired. Just, let me. Just let me do it by myself. Please."

Dean hugged me, kissing my forehead, " What are you crying for? My girl can't cry."

" I'm crying because you're going to die and I barely know you. I've lived with you and grown to care about you so much and it's barely been enough time."

" Tell me everything tonight then. Tell me what you want me to know. Pick my brain apart for all I care."

I held his face in my hands, " Who let someone like you in this life?"

" Someone with a messed up plan for my baby brother and I." He sighed, " Whenever you see Jack. When you see him happy, upset, stressed. Those things you feel. That's how I feel with Sammy. I ruined his life and now he's gonna die for me. For the world. I did this to him, and that's going to eat at me forever. Even when I'm dead I'm gonna feel guilty for ruining his life."

" It's hard for me to ruin Jack's life when we're already doomed." I sighed.

He shook his head, " Jack looks at you with all the love in the world. The kid has been staring at me trying to read my mind when I'm around you. I guess he's not old enough for that yet. Little brothers are always vicious. Sammy always was for me."

I touched the sides of his head. He was afraid. He was so afraid. He didn't want to die. No one wants to die. His suicidal tendencies were on the back burner. He wanted to live. He wanted to live for Sam. He wanted to see Jack live his life. He wanted to know Cas was safe, that Sam would finally be able to stop hunting. He wanted to live to get to know everything about me. Every quirk. Every secret. Everything that made me angry. I couldn't help but cry. " I hate beer," I said, " I hate when your breath smells like it. Wraiths are the thing I hate hunting the most. I used to blow out the power in the whole town when I was 16 and did spells on the farm."

" Stop," He said, " Tell me when we get home. Don't tell me, tell me when we're home."

We wouldn't get home. " I love musicals." I laughed, " I can recite half of everything that's been on broadway. I like scary movies, the shitty ones for teenagers. I love rollercoasters and when Jim used to take me to the fair when I was young. I was one of the only hunters to get a childhood." My voice cracked.

He shook his head, he knew what I was doing. " I hate not being able to sleep because I'm not with you. But I like when you fall asleep in the den of the bunker because you look 10 years younger and about a lifetime happier when you're asleep. Half the time I wanna zap you 1000 miles away from all of this. But I'd be too afraid if you weren't here with me because I'm a coward. I hid behind my shitty witchcraft and now my powers but I'm a shit hunter."

" You are NOT. You're a powerful witch. You're half arcangel. You're the most kickass girl on the planet. You're MY girl. You're the big sister to the strongest kid on the planet, Sam loves you to pieces. And we're gonna to fix all of this together."

He lied to himself often. I did it too. It was a hunter thing. " Since when are you so optimistic?" I sighed.

" Since I met the most stubborn brat on the planet."

He kissed me, for once he didn't taste like beer. " Lets hope this is the one time life doesn't totally screw my family."