the magician//d.winchester

Carrying On.

I had a good life. It was weird. But my baby brother was here for it, and I was happy. 

The whole title of God was a tough one. How much was I involved? How many places did I take care of? Castiel told me that there was a Jack and Harper in other universes, and that worrying about them would only stress us out. So for us, it was make angels, keep the peace, and deal with forces that normal hunters couldn't. I've been doing this for 40 years now. I looked damn good for 70.

I was God in a way. I did start hearing prayers. I learned to tune them out. I didn't grant all of them. I know I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted to do everything, I knew it would screw the balance of life up. But it granted one every now and then. Gave a middle aged dad a pay raise so he could take his little girls to Disney World. Shrunk a tumor on the brain of a kindergarten teacher. Let the grandfather with black lung live long enough to see his youngest granddaughter get married. I couldn't cure these people or make them rich. But I would give them a fighting chance at their lives.

The Winchester's were the trickiest part of my life. I was selfish. I wanted Dean alive forever, but I know he didn't want that. It was a easy trick. Keep his body young, but he had a time limit. He had until he was well into his 90's before it wore off. Sam had the same blessing, he wanted to keep hunting forever. But good things didn't last. It wore off today.

It was a good life. The bunker was my home. Nothing annoyed Dean more than when we came back from a hunt, the back of the Impala loaded with decorations for whatever holiday was around the corner. He always shut up and decorated with me and a much too happy Sam, Cas and Jack. I would cook for them, we would have family movie nights. We even found time to go on a vacation between Jack and I cleaning up heavenly messes. It was just a rock concert, but I haven't seen Sam and Dean that happy in years. We were a family. Cas had grown to love me like he loved Jack. We hunted, we helped people. Jack and I helped prevent the apocalypse. It was the best life I could imagine.

If it was old age that killed a Winchester, then a miracle had occurred. I couldn't visit him because I would just zap him back to age 40. I couldn't do that to him. It was selfish. I had to let him go. I'd see him again soon anyway.

The best thing about my new status was being able to visit people's heavens before they got to them. I never visited his, just out of privacy. I knew I had go to it, just to see him. Jack wouldn't go down there either, I wouldn't let him.

Jack had become the most talented, incredible person I ever knew. His powers were amazing, he was amazing. I loved him more than I've ever loved anything. We were a team. We'd be a team forever. " I don't want him to die." Jack said tearfully.

Heaven was nice. I sat in the Garden most of the time. The white walls and emotionless angels sucked. But they did their jobs. I'd be lying if I didn't smite any of them, corruption happens. Letting them kill one another wasn't an option. Jack and I talked a lot. All we had was time for talking. " I know," I said, " But he'll be up here. Happy."

I was better at coping than my brother. He didn't want anyone to die. He'd make everyone immortal if he could. But that wasn't life. He had to know that. " He's been praying a lot. To us." Jack said, " I answer."

" I do too. I visited him until he started dying. I can't look at him like that."

Jack frowned, " You love him. Don't you always want to be with people you love?"

I nodded, " Of course I do. But love makes you do stupid stuff."

He nodded, " But we'll see him in heaven right?"

" Yes. I'm probably going to live with Sam, just so he doesn't do anything reckless. He has a few years left. We can visit Dean when we want... but it won't be like before. We won't be part of his life. He'll have heaven. His heaven."

I knew in an instant. I heard him praying. I sighed, his voice always making my heart slow down. Even after all these years he still made me blush. " I hope you can hear me, because I miss your voice."

I smiled, " I'm here." I whispered.

" I know I'm gonna see you soon. That's okay. It's okay you aren't here. I wouldn't want you to see me this way. I just want you to know how much I love you. I never thought I'd get any happiness. I guess all it took was a few decades before my family got some sunshine."

" There's nothing but sunshine up here. I know you hate the sappy shit, but relaxing is okay. If your heaven is hunting monsters, living the good life, drinking beer. You make it want you want, my sweet boy."

" If you're next to me every night I go to bed up that's all I need."

I frowned, " But I won't be. You'll live life without me until I pop in for a visit. I don't know if you're gonna remember me."

" Why wouldn't I?"

" Whatever you brain makes up is what heaven is."

" Why wouldn't it make you up?"

" I'm not sure, Dean. But I can't live in heaven with you. All I can do is visit. You'll have the me heaven made up, it's not the real me."

" Jesus Christ." He sighed, " I need you. Real you. You that knows me best. Please, baby. Please tell me I don't lose you."

The pain in his voice killed me. He was scared. I knew he would never have the real me. His heaven would probably just be the ideal me. Not Lucifer's daughter. Not Nephilim. Just hunter me. I groaned, " I'm gonna regret it."

I landed in the bunker in an instant. Sam jumped at the sight of me. I planted my hands on both his and Dean's head, the blue light heating the room. It was bright for a moment, but then Dean gasped. " I'm, alive?" He touched his chest, " I'm not old?"

He was always so beautiful. He and Sam both were. The blue and gold glow just made them even more so. The blue light running under their skin was mesmerizing. But nothing will ever entrance me more than Dean as he was. Sam looked at me, " Thank you." He whispered, and took my hand, " Thank you."

" Nice wings, kid." I smiled at me, tucking his hair behind his ears, standing on my toes to kiss my brother on the forehead.

" Wings?" Dean asked.

" You wanted real me." I said, " So welcome to the God Squad, sweetheart. Rebels now welcome. Hope you enjoy saving lives, proving comfort, eternal sex and not having to drive everywhere."

He looked at his brother. He was shocked. He moved his arms back and forth to flex the new heaviness on his back. " Oh baby you just signed up for eternal annoyance."

" I already had them. Come on, Jack is waiting. He'll be very impressed by how ugly the new angels are."