Let Me Heal Your Broken Heart

Chapter Twelve: Suga's Private Vacation?

It's been 3 months since I've been back after going missing....and its been 3 months since Suga has been on his so called private vacation....don't get me wrong the quiet and freedom is nice and all....but I'm still terrified....not because I'm afraid of what he's doing on his vacation? or where is vacation is at?...but terrified on how he's going to be when he gets back from his so called private vacation and see's me here....I look out my bedroom window as I sit in my window seat with so many things going through my head.

Is he going to be more aggressive when he comes back?, is he going to hurt me again?....how is he gonna react when he finds out I was staying with other men the whole 4 weeks I was missing?.....I look over at V's jacket laying on the bed....how is he gonna react when he finds out what happened or almost happened between me and V...it's bad enough Suga is already bumping heads and picking arguments with Jungkook because of me.....I don't want him to start with V to.

Speaking of V...ever since that day when he brought me home with Jimin, Jin and Jungkook and ever since me and him almost had that moment with each other....he's been avoiding me...whenever I see him in the hall or in the dorm I say hi to him and he just ignores me....whenever I try to sit next to him he always gets up and moves somewhere else or just goes in his room....he doesn't even try to communicate with me anymore when I'm feeling down or need someone to talk to....its always Jimin and Jungkook who communicates with me anymore.

I sigh in frustration....V what is going through your head?.....what did I do so wrong for you to avoid me and act as if I don't exist anymore I bring my knees to my chest as I look away from V's jacket on the bed and I lay my head in my legs and sob silently to myself....what is so wrong with me that I get treated like this? was it a mistake for me to come back?....should I have just stayed missing?.....if I would have just stayed missing then maybe Suga would have never left on that stupid private vacation and maybe V wouldn't be ignoring me so much?.

I got up and walked over to the bed and grabbed V's jacket in my hands and walked back over to the window seat and sat back in it I glanced at the framed picture sitting in the window seat...its a picture of me, Suga, and V together at the beach....it was my first summer here in Seoul....back when Suga wasn't so overprotective and abusive...back when we all where close and still got along with each other.....back when Suga must have been taking those pills?....is that where you went for your private vacation Suga?....back to the beach where all the good memories are?.....my sobs grew louder as I held V's jacket to my face and cried in it.

I was walking down the hall way to go back to my room when I heard what sounded like sobbing?....I stopped abruptly to listen to see if I was hearing things?.....as I stopped and listened I heard the sobbing again....so I wasn't hearing things then....I followed the echo of the sobbing and it lead me to a door where I heard the sobbing now louder and clearer now and I look to see the door cracked open....I look at the door and I see the faint blood stains on the floor....this is Rachel and Suga's room.....Rachel's the one sobbing?....what's wrong with her?....why is she sobbing for?.

I quietly open the door a slight bit more making it easier to see in, I looked inside and I scanned the room for Rachel but I didn't see her anywhere...I looked towards the window seat and there I saw a sobbing Rachel....she was holding my Jacket and she was crying into it....I could feel my heart breaking as I stood there and watched her crying...I wanted to walk in and embrace her and comfort her so bad but I fought back the urge and stayed in the hall way watching from a distance.

I watched Rachel pick up a picture frame that was sitting in the window and I was curious as to what picture it was that she was looking at?, I sighed as I began to back away from the door until I heard speak, " why?....what did I do so wrong for Suga to abuse me so much?....what is so wrong with me that V keeps ignoring me?", that did it...I felt the tears fall from my eyes....how could she say such horrible things about her self?....you didn't anything wrong Rachel....there isn't one single thing wrong with you....your absolutely perfect....everything about you is perfect.....its me that's not perfect....your suffering because of....me.