𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙩

vi.

alexia ⤵︎

it was already saturday, that means today's my date with josh. was i nervous? i was fucking anxious. but mattia was still in my mind, he kept ignoring me even though i tried to talk to him. every time i was with josh he stared at me.

when i realized i was knocking on his door, his house was just two blocks away from mine. her mom opened the door and look at me in silence. i don't really know why she stopped hanging out with my mom, they used to be really close friends. it's been a while since last time i saw her, years actually.

"alexia?" she asked in surprise.

"hi" i said and i smiled at her to brush off the awkwardness of the moment. "is mattia here?"

she let me in and asked me about my mom and my dad, she was kinda sad. she offered me food but i declined politely, i wasn't here to catch up with her.
mattia's mom told me he was in his room, so i made my way to his room. i've been coming to this house for years, almost every sunday during my whole childhood.

i knocked on his door but he didn't answer so i opened it and he was sleeping. mattia looked so cute sleeping i even smiled when i saw him.

"stop staring" he said without opening his eyes. his voice was raspy, i might woke him up.

"i'm sorry" i laughed. he stood up and sat on the edge of the bed.

"what are you doing here? i thought i was pretty clear i didn't wanted to see you" he said, and it kinda hurt me. he was being mean out of nothing, i tried so hard to be on right terms again with him...

"so we gon act like the fact that you couldn't keep your eyes off of me during the week didn't happen? aight" i said sitting next to him. "but i'm not leaving till we talk this out"

he took a deep breath and looked at me. he wasn't saying anything and i don't think he was planning on it. we were in silence, looking at each other's eyes. i started getting nervous when he looked at my lips and licked his. he leaned over to kiss me but i stopped him from kissing me by putting my hand on his chest and stopping his movement towards my lips; his heart was beating fast.

"we can't" i said without breaking the eye contact.

"why?" he said in a low tone, almost whispering. his breathing was getting faster, just as mine. i didn't know what was all that about, that feeling... but i couldn't do it.

"josh" i finally said. he took my hand away from his chest and turned his face, fixing his gaze on the sunset that could be seen from his window.

after a minutes of silence he finally said: "you're gonna be late for your date, you should leave"

"mattia i—" i couldn't finish the sentence, he interrupted me.

"leave" he repeated. "please"

i left his room and his house, i tried not to cry on my way home but i was hurt. he always had this effect on me, he has too much control over myself and my feelings. i couldn't get it out of my mind, the image of mattia turning his face on me with a sad look was repeating in my mind.