be free || k.hj

001

c h a p t e r o n e: m o t i v a t i o n

✧˚₊‧༉ J I N A ༉‧₊˚✧

Is there anything better than laying in bed, tightly wrapped in 3 blankets with last night's pizza on your left, a bottle of wine on your right, crushed up beer cans on the floor and your laptop that you had left playing rom-coms laying on you stomach? The answer

Absolutely not. 

In this particular moment, I felt unmotivated to do anything; Being rejected over 30 times in a row gets to you. Besides, a break never hurt anyone, right?

Wrong.

Just as all was right in the world, I could hear the obnoxious sound of loud footsteps approaching my bedroom door. 

'Oh crap' was all that was going through my mind and before I could even attempt to hide, the flimsy wood door was kicked wide open by the only woman scarier than my mother: Yoo Mina, your older sister. Part-time business manager, full-time terrorizer of all things good.

A nervous laugh escaped my chest as I froze like a deer in headlights, too scared to even think about what she would do. All I could do was watch carefully as the beast stalk towards the bed, a dark look in her eye as she slammed the laptop that was on my stomach down.

Mina looked me up and down, a look of disgust plastered all over her face after seeing the state I was purposely in.

"Yoo Jina...Are you fucking kidding me?! I let you stay in MY house because YOU wanted to pursue YOUR dreams and what am I left with? An idiot who's moping around in my free guest room." Trying to end the conversation quickly, I got myself out of bed and brushed the crumbs off the sweatpants I was wearing, promptly heading towards the bathroom.

"You're making me sound like I'm a pain to live with."

Mina rolled her eyes as she followed me into the shared bathroom. "That's because you are. I've lived with you for 26 years! You think I'd be able to have my own privacy when I'm married."

Grabbing the toothpaste and my toothbrush from the sink counter, I started to brush my teeth for what I think is the first time in days. "I'm trying to find a job, okay! Besides, mom and dad live all the way in Jeju. You really think I'd be able to get my career started there?"

"Well I don't see you getting it started here"

"I'm trying to cope! Not everyone succeeds at first!" I retaliated, or tried to with the toothpaste foaming up in my mouth.

Mina scoffed as she grabbed the bottle of wine that was deep in my lilac comforter. "This is half empty! Is that what you call coping? Drinking my wine that my husband got for our anniversary?"

Spitting out the last of the remaining toothpaste, I placed my toothbrush back in it's cup before looking back at the older woman. "I am being optimistic and would like to say that it's half full."

I walked out of the bathroom in a clear attempt to end the conversation, but Mina continued to follow me out to the living room, clearly mad about our shared living situation. "I'm being serious Jina. You need to get out and start looking again. You have been on break for a month!"

The sole reminder made me stop dead in my tracks. Out of nowhere, I suddenly began to feel sick to the stomach. This well deserved break was taken in order to forget about the constant reminders of your twenty seven failures. But they just flooded back in like water through a dam. 

Turning to face Mina, I pinch at my leg to keep myself from breaking down, a habit that I had become accustomed to throughout the years to keep my anxiety under control. "I'm a Seoul University graduate. I made it through university on a full paid scholarship in one of the best music programs in the country."

And then my voice cracked, making my sister more worried then she already was.

As the older girl took a step forward, I kept going "Everyone told me that if I did my best, I'd be the best. And now that I graduated top of my class, who's the top producer and lyricist in the country? A high school dropout."

Hot tears blinded my vision and made everything around me blurry, but it all became clearer once the heavy tears fell down hard like an anvil and stained my cheeks.

"I'm not talented..."

I shut my eyes as hard as I could, trying my best to not see how much of a mess I truly was. Until a pair of arms wrapped themselves tightly around me, giving me some type of structure. I knew it was Mina as she caressed my hair like our mother used to do. "Hey, you're annoying and get on my nerves but I know you're talented. So what, a few music labels don't recognize your talent. That doesn't mean you don't have any."

Wiping away the stray tears, I finally opened my eyes to see my sister's comforting smile. It must have been contagious, because I was already smiling back. "You got this Jina. Do you know why?"

Letting out an exasperated laugh, I ask "Why?"

Mina then pinched my tear stained cheeks, forcing me to smile a bit more. "Because you're my baby sister. You're not a quitter. I won't let you be."

And with those words, I felt a huge weight being lifted off my chest. "Thanks Mina. You may be a colossal bitch, but I wouldn't be able to survive without you."

Mina snorted, flicking my forehead hard, making me wince in pain. "You're damn right. Now I want my house clean by the time I get back from work or consider yourself homeless."

Smiling brighter than before, I watched my sister walk towards the front door with her bag.  "You wouldn't do that! You love me too much!"

"Yeah right, just less talking and more cleaning."

Once the front door shut, I started to actually clean, hoping Mina wouldn't live up to what she had said. But, as I washed my days worth of dirty dishes, I allow her words to sink in.

"I'm not a failure"

x—x
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[EDITED]