Saisei (再生) - Naruto Reborn Fanfiction

54. 9 Ways To Kill A Moron

Surprise update!

UNEDITED

Enjoy reading, un!

<3

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Deidara was itching to turn his back against the Akatsuki.

It would be worth it, he told himself.

Only if he could just go against Pain's orders and kill that infuriating man-child already, he'd be the happiest dude alive. 

He grit his teeth, muttering vulgar curses under his breath as he glanced at Tobi from the corner of his blue eyes. He was chasing a yellow butterfly squealing like a prissy girl. 

Tobi was of absolutely no use during the entire journey. Deidara was positive he had dark circles under his eyes right now - that his eyes were equivalent to those of the Jinchuriki he'd captured.

Yes, it was that bad. 

Mentally, he listed out ways to kill Tobi 'as an accident'.

1. Push him off a cliff.

2. Use a C4 on him.

3. Leave him somewhere alone.

4. Trick him into drinking poison.

5. Ask Hidan to take care of him.

6. Torture him brutally by sticking a knife inside each andeverycornerofhisbodysothathebleed. Thenhecouldaddsomeacidtohiswounds and oh the pain Tobi would feel would still not be enough for what he had suffered through!

7. Hit him so hard, he gets amnesia. THEN push him off a cliff.

8. Deliver him to Konoha like a package delivery in one of those FedEx commercials. 

9. Leave him in a brothel. He was bound to piss himself in there seeing women do some R rated things. That'd be fun to watch.

The blonde bomber shivered at his own dark thoughts. He was going bat shit insane with his partner.

"Deidara-senpai isn't still mad at me, is he?" Tobi pouted.

"Piss off, Tobi."

Obito, on the other hand was itching to irk Deidara even more. He knew that Deidara was barely able to control himself and he cackled like an evil witch inside his mind.

Sure, he was going to 'destroy the world' as some of those uncultured swines put it (he was going to save everyone by destructing it, duh.) but then he deserved to fool around.

Right now, Deidara was his best bet.

Sure, he may have tripped the alarm a few times.. and he may have alerted the shinobi by screaming at a little girl as he saw a spider.. and he also may have let a sleeping Deidara be caught again by the guards.. and he may  have walked in on him in the middle of a bath.. he also may have commented on his nether regions which made him blush as hard as Sasori's hair.. terrible puns were cracked as well..

Basically, all the worst shit which could happen on a mission happened to Deidara.

His inner sadist was completely satisfied at the moment. Except...

"Knock knock."

Deidara sighed. Just this once...

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad you met me?"