Beautiful Goodbye

Chapter Nineteen - Day 81

It was Sunday morning, Debra wouldn't let me come over because she said Stacy had to settle into her new routine. Believe me I tried going over. I texted Stacy and she said she wanted me to go over, but as soon as I got to the front door Debra tad me to go home. She was trying to be nice about it I guess but that didn't change anything.

[To: Baby Girl <3]

Hey babe, I tried to come over but your mum sent me home. >:(

[From: Baby Girl <3]

Agh! Bitch and a half! Im sorry, come over after school tomorrow though?

[To: Baby Girl <3]

Of course xx

I sat in my empty bed with my phone on my stomach. I didn't want to go anywhere. The football team were all going to the beach, I wanted to go but I wanted to go with Stacy. They all called me whipped which i was okay with. I mean, I was whipped I would do anything Stacy told me to without a second thought. 

I walked into the guest room where she had kept all her stuff and started looking in draws. I know there was nothing in it but I still felt like I had to check. I got to the bottom draw of the dresser and opened it. There was a sheet on paper folded in the corner. I took it out and sat on the bed. As I unfolded the paper I could see that there was writing on it. I opened it more carefully with worry.

Tony,

I know that you’ve probably gone through the guest room to see if Ive left anything behind because thats just you. I left you this letter because there is so much that Ive wanted to tell you but didn't know how, so I wrote it down. 

These last few weeks with you have the best of my life, I don’t remember being happier then when I was with you. While I was writing this I didn't actually think of what I was going to say so i decided that I would tell you about all our memories.

The first time I saw you in english I thought you would be one of those assholes that pushed me over the edge and I would hate with every bone in my body. But I could never have been more wrong. You were sweet to me the moment I met you and I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you, I just didn't know it.

When you came to my house the first time I know it couldn't have been easy on you to see my in that state, it would have freaked most people out and thy would have left, but not you, you stayed and took me to the hospital. The truth is that day I tried to kill myself because i could take anything anymore. But you took me to the hospital and now here I am.

I remember waking up in hospital the day after and the first thing I saw was you. To be honest that was the only thing I wanted to see. You’re the first person that actually cared for me and was worried about what would happen to me. After my dad left us I had never put my trust in another man before.

When you stayed at my house for the first time and made pancakes and almost burnt them, and the first time we kissed. That was when I started to become happy. You made me happy Tony. I remember watching ‘Endless Love’ and I knew that you didn't want to watch it but the fact that you didn't argue made me realise how truly grateful I am to have you.

I remember when I went to your house for dinner and your mum was so nice to me. I truly adore your mum, she is the most amazing woman on earth, and that woman raised you to be the man you are today. I remember when we went up to your room and you had it set out so beautifully and when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I would have been okay with dying right there and then because I finally belonged to someone.

I remember the first time you met my mum and the first time you saw me cut. I was so embarrassed for calling you and worrying you. But you came over the second you found out. I remember hearing you yell at my mother which brought a smile to my face. No one ever stood up to her but you. I remember when you cleaned my cuts and you made sure I was okay. 

I remember how the next day after I came back from the bathroom and you told me that I could love with you, I don’t remember being happy, I mean, I was sad to leave my mum but I was glad because I got to spend everyday with the love of my life.

I remember when we had breakfast with your mum and everyone was laughing and smiling. I hadn't done that since I was little and it made me feel like I had a family again. I remember telling you that I wanted to do more then kiss and you were a little hesitant but you were 100% okay with it after talking about it.

I remember when I first met Gina and you kissed me right in front of her to make her go away. I have to admit, I thought you were going to choose her over me, but when you kissed me I knew that you wouldn't leave.

There are so many other memories that we shared Tony, good and bad and I basically just wanted to thank you for making me happy. I couldn't remember what apply felt like before you.

I Love You Tony Alter.

Love Stacy xxx

By the time I had finished reading the letter I was sobbing. I love her so much. I feel like I didn't do enough to keep her, I should of let mum take custody of her. There was a small thought in the back of my head saying she needed this. the thought was getting louder and louder. She needed a family, I wasn't enough, as much as I wanted to be I just wasn’t. She needs a mum and a dad that she can hug when she's sad or when she's happy. It was me for a long time and I liked it, but I knew that she couldn't go on without her own family.