seesaw || y.k

•십육•

the whole group were now sat on the couches, tv playing spiderman: far from home; the maknae lines choice, as they won rock paper scissors.

there was jungkook, jimin, taehyung on one couch, jin, namjoon and hoseok occupying the other. yoongi was sat alone in the armchair once more, knees touching his chin, eyes somewhat distant.

jungkook kept tearing his eyes away from the movie to glance at yoongi, worry pulsing through his veins; ever since their little... interaction, let's call it, this morning, yoongi had been secluded and shut off from the others.

he hadn't eaten lunch, instead staying up in his room and taking a long nap. jungkook knew something had happened between the six hours of the morning; it was almost nine now, and yoongi still hadn't eaten. bearing in mind he was recovering from a bad fever, it wasn't good.

jimin noticed him staring, eyes following his gaze swiftly as he nudged the taller with his elbow. jungkook looked down at him curiously, the bright haired boy placing his mouth near his ear and whispering, "i noticed you've been staring at him for a while."

jungkook blushed, eyes seeking his hand and fiddling with his fingers. jimin's warm breath tickled his ear as he continued, "that's cute. you really like him."

"can you two stop fucking flirting and just let us watch this in peace?"
yoongi's voice was suddenly cold and blunt, jungkook immediately looking up and locking eyes with him. "hyung, we weren't-"
"sure."

the elder broke the eye contact, bringing his knees higher up his chest, if possible, and diverting his attention back to the moving image on the screen.

jin grabbed the remote, pressing the pause button with a plastic click. "okay," he murmured gently, "yoongi, what's wrong?"
"nothing. can you just unpause?"
"no. yoongi, please, don't do this again."

the shortest rolled his eyes, jungkook feeling his chest constrict with worry; yoongi never acted like this, not this dismissive or irritated. "yoongi-hyung, jinnie-hyung is right." namjoon piped up, eyes fixed onto yoongi.

"drop it."
"no!"
this was taehyung replying now, voice adamant, "we all don't want you suffering in silence, hyungie. jungkook's worried, you know that?"
the aqua blue haired boy tried guilt tripping yoongi into confessing- if anything it just made it worse.

"well, he can just go back to having his little conversation with jimin and stop worrying."
jimin sighed, muttering, "it's not like that."
yoongi shrugged, eyes trailing to jungkook and flitting away immediately.

"honey, please." jungkook finally tried, words calming and somewhat tentative. "oh, now he speaks up."
yoongi shot a withering glare at the youngest, but jungkook didn't back down.

"tell us what's bothering you, hyung."
"if any of you had cared enough you would have checked the group chat between us and pdnim."

the boys all frowned unanimously, eyes darkening. "i sent the finished album onto there yesterday, but none of you have cared to notice. then, forty minutes ago, he messages me and says the album isn't good enough and i might lose my position as producer."

yoongi chuckled, stretching out his legs stiffly, "yeah, there you go. thanks for caring."
the shortest got to his feet, ignoring the sounds of someone getting up and feet padding on the floor after him.

he was then being span around, head colliding into a muscled span of skin that could only belong to one person; jungkook. yoongi had tears glittering in his melancholy eyes and didn't want the youngest to see them, keeping his head directed straight towards the floor.

"jeon jungkook, let me go."
"hyung..."
the youngest grabbed his chin with the palm of his hand, the movement tilting his head up to face him; a few tears ran down yoongi's face and he was quick to wipe them away.

jungkook watched him, concerned, noticing how all the previous anger had drained from his body. he was shrunken in on himself, pale form seeming even more fragile now.

"honey, i'm sorry. i bet you it was amazing."
yoongi's head jerked, eyes filling back up with tears as he yanked himself out from the grip of the taller. "it wasn't amazing because it obviously wasn't fucking good enough!"

yoongi sniffed, voice on fire with a new kindled rage, "none of you understand what it's like! getting told work that you put your soul and feelings into isn't worth anything. i worked so hard to get where i am. i haven't talked to my parents in years because of my decision to choose this career!"

jungkook stood there, quietly, letting yoongi release all of his emotions onto him. "they burned my piano, for fucks sake, destroyed my lyrics and i somehow managed to recover. they used to tell me 'music isn't a career yoongi'," yoongi scoffed at this, tears running down his cheeks, "well maybe i should have listened to them, because i'm obviously not good enough to do my own fucking job!"

the room had gone dead silent; it was as if they weren't even daring to breathe. yoongi never, ever, got this angry, and to say they were worried was an understatement. yoongi was tearing himself down from the inside, taking his self confidence and worth and ripping it up into tiny shreds.

"i had seven songs planned out! seven, all finished in two months! i even got a deal with motherfucking halsey! but no, it isn't good enough. my feelings aren't good enough, because every one of these songs were a way of telling someone how i feel."

yoongi was slowly calming down, breaths evening out and fists unclenching. "those vocals were all i had." he muttered, voice small and broken, "you all put so much effort into recording them and now... now what's the point?"

the shortest took a step back, face morphing into regret as if he had just awakened from a dream. jungkook was still stood there, but there were tears in his eyes too now. not tears for himself, tears for how worthless yoongi must have been feeling right now.

"when the album was published i was gonna confess to someone i've loved for a long time," yoongi whispered, "now i can't even do that."

the shortest took another step, and then another, before his back was turning on them and he was leaving the room, shallow footsteps making way to silence.

a.n: :(