seesaw || y.k

•삼십•

yoongi could hear sniffles in the back of his mind, but the pulls of sleep kept dragging him away from the real world. after a struggle his eyes forced open, awakening to darkness.

an arm was hugging his body into their chest, and that was where the source of the sniffles was coming from. yoongi swivelled around, eyes more alert now, falling onto jungkook.

the youngest had his eyes closed but he clearly wasn't asleep; tears were dropping off of his face and into the mattress, wet patches forming there at the sheer amount of them. "oh my god, kook..."
yoongi wrapped his arms around his neck, one of his hands pushing his boyfriends head into his shoulder.

"g-go back to sleep, h-hyung." jungkook's was crying harder now, yoongi could feel him dampening the fabric of his shirt but he didn't care. all he wanted was for jungkook to be okay. the elder played with the hair on the back of his neck, kissing his forehead gently.

jungkook never let himself be babied by yoongi, always forcing himself to stay strong; until now, because the youngest wasn't fighting himself away, instead actually snuggling into the source of heat.

so they stayed that way, jungkook crying into yoongi's chest, yoongi holding onto him and cradling him like he were the most special thing in the world. yoongi didn't ask why, didn't prod or force jungkook into telling him; his boyfriend would tell him in his own time, when he wanted to. yoongi wasn't going to force him, that wasn't right.

after about twenty minutes jungkook finally stopped the flow of tears, palm going up to wipe his cheeks dry. yoongi just watched him, continuing to stroke his hair, eyes warm and welcoming if jungkook wanted to tell him.

yoongi doubted that the taller would tell him anything, because he was too prideful to admit when he was weak. yoongi wished that jungkook would shed himself of some of that pride, even if only momentarily, not just let his emotions build up until he couldn't take them anymore, which caused these little breakdowns.

everyone saw jungkook as the golden maknae, the one who was good at everything, and it just made it harder for him. he had so much to live up to, the minute anything went wrong he would start to blame himself and his capabilites, because he had to emit this perfect image.

jungkook pecked yoongi on the nose, smiling shakily and unconvincingly, trying to create an image that he was okay and not hurting inside. "bunny..."
the nickname only came out when yoongi was really worried, because jungkook was comforted by it. the youngest didn't like to be called it all the time, but in times like this he appreciated it.

yoongi kissed him on the forehead again, eyes glinting with worry and suspicion. jungkook wasn't okay, he could see it, but if the youngest didn't want to tell him he wouldn't force.

"i l-love you, baby, so much."
jungkook stuttered through his sentence, tears closing up his throat again and making him croak out the last few words. "i love you too, bunny."

then the tears were starting up again, jungkook hiding himself back in yoongi's chest; they weren't just sniffles anymore, they were full-blown sobs, pained and ripping from jungkook's chest. "oh, bun, it's okay..."
jungkook nuzzled further into him, eyes screwed shut and nose running.

yoongi had a speculation of why jungkook had suddenly broken down, if you could even call it a speculation; the video was the tipping point for him, but his emotions had been piling up for weeks before. the stress of the album, of concert rehearsals, all of that.

jungkook squeezed tightly around yoongi's torso, almost painfully, his grip strong and never wavering. they were so close yoongi could feel jungkook trembling all over, and his chest still hadn't stopped heaving.

"shh, bunny."
"i'm s-sorry, hyungie, you deserve so much better than me!"
yoongi tutted, shaking his head softly, "no, i don't even deserve you."
this was another phase in jungkook's breakdowns; the self-hatred phase.

the youngest always believed he was never good enough, couldn't live up to the other members. in many cases, yoongi believed that the members couldn't live up to jungkook, but he never listened to their reasoning. normally they just had to let him cry himself out of it.

"n-no, babe, i should be b-better and become stronger and i should start working out m-more and-"
yoongi shushed him, kissing him on the nose, warmth radiating from him. "you're already perfect to me, kookie. you don't have to change a thing."

jungkook shook his head adamantly, hands curling into fists on yoongi's shirt, "you're just s-saying that to try to m-make me feel better!"
"no, bunny, i'm not. i love you, so much, without you who knows what i would have done?"

yoongi removed his hands briefly to roll up his left sleeve, exposing the bumpy skin of his scars in the meagre light of the room. "you see these, kook?"
jungkook lifted himself out of yoongi's body to glance at where he was pointing, nodding slowly afterwards.

"those are a sign of not being perfect. you can't be, bunny, perfect is impossible to ever achieve."
jungkook took hold of his wrist and brought it to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to the sensitive skin; yoongi took this as a hopeful sign that jungkook was recovering slowly.

"but, you need to know in your mind that you're perfect just the way you are."
jungkook nodded, and the sobs escaping his body slowly started to subside. he was still clutching yoongi's wrist, but his eyes were homed in on his face.

"okay, bunny? you're perfect. you don't need to prove anything to anyone."
jungkook kissed his wrist again, one to each scar; there were twelve in total, and sparks shot out over the skin.

he gently released his wrist after, wiping his eyes and locking them with yoongi's, "good boy, kookie. you did so well."
"thank you, baby."
jungkook connected their lips for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, eyes sliding shut as a loving rhythm was set.

after they split apart jungkook giggled, murmuring, "you could become a therapist, angel."
"with all of my problems? boy, dream on!"
they shared a moment of laughter together, before yoongi turned his back on jungkook and slotted back into their original position.

it seemed like jungkook wasn't going to tell him, not that it really bothered him; privacy was essential in a relationship.

jungkook tugged him back into his body, their hips joining together and legs tangling. "and kookie?"
"mhm?"
"you better not wake me up again, or i will find a chainsaw hire."

jungkook chuckled at this, nodding obediently, "try me, babe."
"oh, i will."

they both fell asleep with smiles on their faces, hands clutching one another's, bodies almost fused together.

a.n: :(