I need you -Daryl Dixon-

5- Cancer

Flashback:

"Ya just drive me so fuckin' crazy" he breathed into my mouth. That makes two of us. He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and I looked up at him.

"Stay." He didn't hesitate climbing off his bike as I led him into my house.

As soon as I shut the door his lips were on mine again pulling me close against him. I felt like I could finally breath. He tasted like cheap beer, smoke and spearmint. I wanted to taste it forever.

We kissed breathlessly for what must have been hours until we made it to my bed where we laid tangled up in each other.

I rolled over into his side pressing my lips to his again as my hand ran up the back of his shirt. He stiffened immediately and grabbed my hand but I had already felt the smooth raised skin. Scars.

He tried to pull my hand away with far away eyes. I could tell he didn't want me to know but I had already felt them. "Let me see." I whispered.

He looked skeptical for a while like he was going back and forth in his head until he finally sat up facing away from me and pulled his shirt off slowly.

I sat up behind him stunned. The dim moonlight shining through my window was enough to see the long thick strips scattered across his back. I almost gasped but I didn't want to make him regret this.

I brought my hand up to his back tracing the very tip of my finger along one that went almost all the way across his shoulder blades. He immediately flinched so I leaned up and placed a kiss right across the worst looking one right in the middle of his back.

"We all have scars, Daryl." I finally said and he visibly relaxed before turning around and kissing me tenderly. I knew in that moment that this would last.

End of flashback:

It had been two months since Daryl left me. Two months of waking up in the morning thinking for a split second that he would be there. I called in sick to work for 5 days when he first left. I never wanted to leave my house again but my need for a roof over my head outweighed my want to stay in bed chain smoking cigarettes for the rest of my life.

I tried to pretend like it was getting better. I plastered on my plastic customer service smile daily and held my head high but when I got home I was right back where it had all started with him. I even considered moving but I was too broke. I wasn't eating much and it was starting to show and I was going to get cancer if I didn't slack up on the cigarettes soon.

The truth is heartbreak doesn't get better with time because as time goes on you just miss the person more and more. I felt sick at the thought that I still needed him and that if he came back I would probably fall right back into his arms like a sick puppy. I felt weak.

I hated him for making me feel this way but I couldn't stop needing him and I didn't know if I ever would. I didn't even know if we had been "dating" before and that's what hurt the most. It was so fast and gone so suddenly.

He came in broke down every wall and left me standing in the rain alone.

My shifts at work started to go by quicker the more I drank. Every time I poured someone a drink I would pour one for myself. I was numb and drowning in amber liquor.