Locked Away Vol. 1

Suicide

 REMINDER: This chapter contains SENSITIVE subjects please viewer discretion is advised! You have been warned.

It's been about 2 years since my lap top was taken from me and I was coming up 14 in about 3 weeks. Depression was eating away at my heart and very soul. There was something about me I couldn't put my finger on. Over these past 2 years I had very much changed.

I wasn't that happy little joyful girl no more. I was always crying and looked so gloomy. Recently, I had started wearing more darker clothes. I also noticed I was starting to gain some weight to me.

Last year my "breasts" grew in. I'm now in a cup B. I started to really hate my body and myself. Being that said, school life wasn't the best now. The bullying started to come back from Sarah. This time I was out to the school about me being transgender. My teachers all supported me yes, but it was the rest of some of the students in this school that got on my nerves.

Mary and Kate were still with Sarah, which made me more sad than I needed to be. The bell for lunch rung as the students of classroom 35 were in a rush. I was the last to walk out, following behind me was Sarah.

"Well hello emo-goth trans freak." she smirked. I tried to ignore her while I headed to my locker. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" she snapped at me. I didn't answer her as I opened my locker. She slammed it closed to get my attention. "What." as I said with this annoyed tone.

"You know the beach prom is in a week." she said teasing me. "So you going?" I glared at her. "And if I'm not? What's it any of your business anyways." I gave a low growl of annoyance. "Hmm to bad it's gonna be a blast there, then again wouldn't want any freaks to ruin it." she laughed. "Oh and oops..." she spilled her banana smoothie all over my hoodie but I didn't show a sign of being upset.

She finally walked away as I re-opened my locker to gather my things, tears ran down my face. Here goes the crying again as I thought to myself. I was done being treated this way. Fleeing out of the crowd that was going to lunch, I headed to the west side of the school.

The west side was completely empty, which was good for me for what I was about to do. You see about 4 months ago my dad bought razor blades for a tool of some sort. Being in the depressed state I was, I decided to take one of those razor blades to cut myself with.

Cutting is a sin, but I did it anyways just to escape the sorrow I felt. This was a way to punish myself of whatever hate I brought onto people for unknown reasons.

Being as quiet as a mouse, I sneaked into the bathrooms. Once inside, I went over by the sinks and rested my left arm over the sink. Rolling up my hoodie sleeves, I could see all the scars I had on my arm from cutting. I took the razor out and began to do it.

Blood dripped on down into the sink. I ran water along so it would clear up the blood. I started to feel weird that I hadn't felt before whenever I did this. Dropping the blade into the sink, I fell weak to the head and my knees.

My eyes fluttered and I dropped back onto the floor. I was out cold for a few minutes, to the surprise of Mary and Kate shaking me to wake me up. "Mary this is all our fault! If we hadn't started bullying with Sarah non of this would of happened to poor Lucy!" Kate said in panics. It was faint but I'm sure that's what she said.

Mary rushed out of the bathroom and to the nurses room. 5 minutes passed and she had come back while Kate was trying to stop me from bleeding. The nurse hurried and wrapped my arm up tight in gauze to stop it for the time being;picked me up, taking me back to her office.

Hours passed and shortly I woke up but I was in my bed. I thought this was all a dream but it wasn't now that I saw my arm wrapped up. Laying there all slump, I teared up. All this mess going on was my fault in this world I was trapped in. Suicide was all I could think of but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

If I did do it, all I'd be doing is putting my problems onto the people who did care about me.

NOTE: PLEASE IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL OR WANTING TO CAUSE HARM TO YOURSELF PLEASE CALL THIS NUMBER THEY WILL HELP YOU: 1-800-273-8255 IS THE NATIONAL SUICIDAL PREVENTION LIFELINE