Loving You, Loving Me

Chapter 48 - insert

[Author's note: This can also be a Chapter 47 ghost because the flashback actually happens at the same time – during exam week.]

Beams POV

"You look so cute when you act like that." Forth was smiling widely which just made me want to smack him. "You can always tell me whenever you feel jealous you know."

"Shut up." I said to him but I knew he was telling the truth.

Even though I hated that he could see right through my act, I also knew him too. It had been an unusual journey with everything we did kind of topsy-turvy. But when it really came down to it I understood that he wanted to be with me. And despite my initial resistance I wanted to be with him too.

It had happened right at the beginning of the exam week. At that point we were all still feeling hopeful and happy. Confident that whatever we were doing in terms of study and revision was enough. Then we had the first paper and all that certainty disappeared in an instance. I wanted to strangle Ai'Pha for getting us into this mess. But at the same time I knew he wasn't to blame. It didn't make sense to get pissed off at each other so I decided to head over to Forth's dorm room.

I knew he was also battling his own demons. I had no illusions that Engineers had it easy. I just knew that Forth was as bad, I mean as good, as Phana. No matter that the course work was killer; he was smart and capable and able to get things done without breaking a sweat. I envied him that ability and I was secretly very proud of him too.

"What are you doing here?" He asked when he opened the door after my quick knocked.

"I need to take a break or else I'll kill someone." I said with a huff. There were books all over the bed and a model of something on the table. There was also a draft of some plans on his computer screen. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

It was crazy. I knew I should leave him to study but I couldn't get my legs to work. I wanted...needed to be there but I had no good excuse. So even though I was sure I was interfering with his study I got up on the bed next to him and sat down. It's not like this was the first time we'd been here so I felt comfortable enough doing it.

"Just continue reading. I'll just sit here for a while before I head back to Meds."

"Really?" The one word was riding on a suppressed laugh. "You come all the way here from your faculty – which isn't close – you sit on my bed and you think I'm just going to study while you look at me."

"I thought..."

I had seen Forth move fast but it was when he was fighting. His body moved like he was in perfect control of every part of it. In a flash he had his books either on the floor or the bedside table. Then he turned back to me. "You thought you could come spend a little time with your boyfriend because you need me to sooth your aching heart."

Ai'Forth...that is not what..."

His kiss silenced my protests and when he pulled away and smiled, I knew he wasn't joking. "It's okay to need something from me. All you ever have to do is ask."

"Really?" I asked imitating his earlier question.

But I wasn't joking like he had. Did he mean what he was saying? Did I believe him when he told me that he was there for me? We'd talked about this but up until now, I'd had no reason to put it to the test and I was afraid that he would tell me it had all been joke.

"What do you need?"

I was shocked by the wave of emotion that hit me. I had to take a deep breath just to steady myself. This was the test. Either I believed him and asked for what I wanted or I didn't believe him and doomed us even before we got a real chance to start. "I need you to hold me."