(OLD CRINGE) Art, Vents, And Shit

claustrophobic??? idk

I figured out one day when I shut my door and couldn't open it, that I'm really fearful of being trapped in an area of any size. It happened because there was extra paint on the door that made it kinda shut with not much of a gap from the door to the doorframe. I panicked and started having a mental breakdown, pacing the room, crying like a little bitch, and trying as much as I could to open the door. Anyway, I called my mom after a bit of struggling to come and open the door, which she did (and which made me feel like shit because I hate being around her and especially asking her for help).

Last night, I had a dream that I, like, took drugs? Like, bad ones? And after I took them, everything around me went dark, but I could still faintly see stuff around me? And the colors of the spots around me changed slightly? And my head was buzzing and buzzing really loudly, and I was wondering why I did that and what everyone would think about me if I called for help, and then I woke up. I'm scarred for life. And, I felt so fearful after the dream because it felt like I was locked in my own mind. So yay, I'm not suicidal anymore lmao. But, I guess that I also get scared when I'm locked in my head or when I am not really in full control of my body. So, that's why I will never drink or smoke (even though I stole my mom's vape once... ONE TIME, OKAY?).

But yeah, so that was weird. I've been having dreams (or nightmares) and I don't know what to think of them. It's weird to have dreams. This vent thing is weird. Everything is weird and overly confusing. I would look cute with a monocle, lowkey? I'm scared of happiness too because I feel like something terrible is just around the corner. I'm scared to go to bed. This paragraph is just a mix of my thoughts XD. Btw now that I think about it, the drug thing kinda reminds me about Fran Bow. Weird.

Does this mean that I'm claustrophobic??? I really have no clue. I really miss my therapist, as usual.