Knight

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I was standing on the porch looking up at the night sky when Starry pulled up the driveway. She hadn't even parked the car correctly before running out of the car. She was carrying a pizza box and few grocery bags. Her blonde hair was tied into a low bun, she wore sweats and was carrying a backpack. When her eyes met mine it was as if she could read the emotion I carried. As if she knew what had went down in the beach house.

I hope she didn't know.

I hope nobody knew, and it wasn't just the sex. There were other things hidden in the walls of this empty home. Things I wasn't able to talk about, things I hoped were lost in the rickety floors and chipped paint, unfortunately even though the house didn't talk Knight's pages still do even his mother questioned me about it. "Hey," She said quietly as she walked up the porch steps. I looked up to meet her worried gaze. "Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone you were here, not even Ryan," She said. I stayed quiet. "I know I haven't been helpful," She started. "I didn't take into consideration how hard this must be for you, I don't know why that slipped my mind. Of course your not in the right state of mind duh, the man you love-loved almost died. I should have been there for you, I should have taken care of you. Your fucking pregnant! But also know that he's my brother and he almost died. Im barely holding on as it is," She said. "Knight and I have had our difficulties but fuck, I love him so much. I regret so many decisions that I've made, I just-I couldn't stay in that house anymore," She added sniffling.

"And now, to know that when he needed me the most, to take care of you and his baby-to know that even now I've failed. Shit, Clara Im so fucked up, how could I say that to you? How could I-fuck," She choked a sob. I tried to blink my own tears away.

"No more, I am here for you now. We're gonna get through these pages, ill give you the last one and if you still don't want anything to do with Knight I support your decision," She finished

"What do you mean?" I asked. "About your household? What do you mean?" I said. "Don't tell me you still believe the McLain's are a picture perfect family," She said. "Knight never said anything about his home life, in the pages. Its all about school and his shitty friends," I said. She looked down, eyes glazed over indicating she was thinking deeply. Her face changed into a sour expression, as if something dark had boiled to the surface. "Knight was coward, even when he almost died he refused to disobey orders," She said. "What do you mean?" I asked. She flinched at the question looking at my eyes. "Knight was a puppet who idolized the hand that controlled him, he benefited from our family's image. He thrived from it, I know there are some pages that make it seem as if he didn't but don't you remember what Knight was like? The last time you were with him?" She asked.

I did remember, the nice kid who was desperately in love with a girl, who was kind to people, and resented his teammates was not the Knight I had known. Yeah sure maybe he was like that in freshman year but Knight was different then what He described on the pages. He claimed to hate his teammates but like I said he started bringing them to his room to play video games, he hung out with them while we dated, never mentioned any distaste towards them. He broke many different girls' hearts, and was an all around ladies man. Knight was not a good person, not like the pages claimed him to be. When I read the first page I had been confused at his early declaration of love.

It was immediately clear Knight had a warped sense of self perception. She sighed. "In the pages there's a turning point. He goes from talking about how much he hated his friends and how they were the cause of his downfall to describing you, do you have the pages? I'll show you what I mean," She said. We walked into the house and she set everything down on the kitchen counter. I grabbed the pages from the living room table and handed them to her. "In the pages there's a disturbing shift, the first half are written in ink, well thought out. The last half, which you haven't gotten too, is written in pencil, its hurried. Short paragraphs, small clues. The last page goes back to the ink, its not even a page, its letter. Ryan and I had a theory, that maybe they were written at separate times. Like, the reason your suicide note was so long is because Knight had been writing it for a while. We think Knight had been writing it for years," She said. Flipping through the pages she pulled out a page, I looked at the numbering.

12

No, title like the other pages had been, no letter 12 side A, just 12. It was written in pencil. a short paragraphs that started with a date.

february 3rd. she passed me in the hallway wearing red. i like red, a red skirt and white top. too much skin. she smelled good, wanna smell more . she looked even better. her legs were smooth, I saw nick stare at them. I don't like nick. he is not good. the white top was revealing, it was tight. her body has grown. I like it. I want it. but I did something bad. don't deserve her cause I did something bad.

Chills ran through my body. Starry was right. Something felt off about this part, like something had been missing. It was like reading something completely new. No more intricate detail and descriptive writing, a small hurried sentence even the hand writing was slightly different. "The next sixteen pages are just descriptions of you on certain days, apologizes to you for some vague reason, these weird creepy comments about you, and an in detail description of the night he uh-he helped you. The whole thing is incoherent, why do you think my mom invited you to the hospital? Why do you think I wanted you to finish so bad? Why do you think so many people have read the pages? We're trying to understand, why does he go from a real suicide note to this?" She said. "He clearly loved you, and maybe the vague apologizes are for breaking your heart but there still so much ambiguity. We thought you might know something we don't, but it turns out you were just as much in the dark as us," She said. "Its no secret my brother had problems, everyone knew. But that's the thing, Knight was an asshole. He treated women like shit and he was a terrible brother. This letter blames his surroundings for the way he was. It frames him as an angel who is a victim of society and uses it as an excuse for his actions," She said sitting down.

She looked up and waited for me to talk. "He wasn't apologizing for breaking my heart, it was written before then. It says February, it had to be February of Junior year, he already wrote about freshman and sophomore year and its only October right now," I said. "See? This whole thing is so confusing," She said. "He loved you, and I know he broke your heart. I know you probably can't stand him and I know it probably doesn't help every time I say you should be with him," She said. I cut her off before she spoke again, "Then why do you keep insisting I be with him?" I asked. "Because Knight clearly can't live without you, I know that's a lot of responsibility but-He broke up with me! He found out I was pregnant and broke up with me! He did this! He completely ruined me! Your brother walked out on me when he found out I was carrying his child. Don't you dare put anything on me, fuck. He fucking tried to kill himself at the thought of having a child with me!" I interrupted and began sobbing as fell the the ground.

Starry got up and walked past me, she opened her backpack and pulled out a piece of paper. Kneeling down she handed me the last page.

My eyes peered over what she was handing me and gave it a quick scan.

it was a letter knight had written to the baby.

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does this chapter makes sense? I hope it makes sense lmaoo. anyway thanks for waiting much love.

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