Girl Meets World | AU

S5 E12 - Girl Meets Heartbreak

"Maya, we need to go out and have some fun" Riley says to me while I'm painting in my room.
"Maybe tomorrow"
"You've been saying it for the past two weeks"
"I need to concentrate on this painting. I have to send it to an art critic who will judge it and determine if I'll get the scholarship or not"
"Are you sure you're not trying to avoid Elliot?" I roll my eyes and groan in frustration but keep painting.
"Riles...you know things are weird between us-"
"You haven't talked since you broke up with him"
"...but I need to finish this collection of paintings. The deadline is tomorrow"
"Oh, and then I guess you'll be too busy talking to us because of cheer practice, right?"
"Exactly, a coach is going to see both Zay and I during Friday's game"
"Those are just excuses" I am starting to lose my patience
"Listen, I need those scholarships, okay? One isn't enough. I need three"
"You already got accepted for one scholarship?"
"Yeah, pretty easy with my 4.0 GPA"
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sigh and dip my brush in some red paint.
"It was during our fight. I just sent my application and they accepted me. I guess I forgot to tell you"
"Okay, so now you have one out of three scholarships, huh?"
"Pretty much, yeah"
"Why do you want three, though? Your family isn't..."
"Riley, they just had twins, they are saving up for their colleges. Besides, I know Shawn cares about them more"
"Why would that be?"
"They're his children"
"You are, too"
"You know what I meant"
"No, I don't" I groan in frustration at my best friend. I know she's right, but there's a part of me who doesn't think of it that way.
"Riles, I really need to concentrate, please"
"Okay then, I'll stay here, in silence"
"No, no. You don't get it. I need to be alone right now. We'll talk later"
"You promise?"
"Yes, I do"
"Okay, bye Peaches" The hurt in her voice makes me want to turn around, to hug her and say sorry, but I stay still until I hear the sound of my window being closed. That's when I start crying uncontrollably as I drop the painting brush aside and lay down on the bed, my face covered by the pillow.
Truth is that I've been miserable for these past two weeks and a half. I hate this feeling, I was supposed to be a strong, independent woman who didn't need a man to be happy, but I need Elliot, he completes me. And even though I did this to myself and broke my heart into a million pieces, I still love him with every single one of them. I could go back to him right now and he would take me back, I know it, but I can't. I can't because we'll have to breakup eventually when I'll leave for France.
Do I still want this? Do I want to leave my family? Do I want to leave my friends and the people I care the most about? All for what? A stupid piece of paper that will determine if I'm good at Art? I wanna say no with every ounce of my body, I really do, but the answer is the opposite of it.
For the first time in my entire life I feel like I want a change, I need a change. And this scares me, a lot.

*The next day, at school*

"Maya, hey"
"Riley" I reply to my best friend, my tone a lot harsher than it sounded in my head.
"We didn't talk like you promised yesterday"
"Yeah, I know. Sorry, I fell asleep" I say truthfully as I twiddle my thumbs. It's almost time for the game and a coach came to see both Zay and I. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. I'm honestly lucky I haven't passed out yet and the fact that my family and all of our friends are here is not helping either. Lucas is here, too. He wanted to see Zay play in a real game since he never got the chance to. When he still lived here Zay always sat on the bench while he played so he's really excited to see him tonight, it means a lot to him.
"There are other five minutes, maybe we can-"
"Riles, I'm sorry but I can't" I look over at the bleachers, searching for the coach, but find Lucas instead. Our eyes meet and he waves at me with a shy smile. I would normally wave back but I shift my attention elsewhere until I notice Elliot watching me. He looks happy, happy as ever. He grins at me and mouths me a 'hi' but my eyes finally find the coach. He already looks pissed off, great, just great. My anxiety grows wider but I get distracted by the feeling of a hand touching my shoulder.
"Maya, we need to talk" I sigh and turn around.
"Missy, not-"
"Your behavior is tearing Riley apart" I frown in confusion, what is she talking about?
"What do you mean?"
"You are hurting her. Maybe you can't realize it because you're being too busy trying to distract yourself from your breakup by overcharging yourself with work, but you are"
"How?"
"Is that even a real question? You've been ignoring her! She tries to talk but you push her away"
"Because she tries to talk about the same topic every time, and I've already told her I don't wanna talk about it"
"Listen here, she's trying to help you. It's not her fault you are being a trashy person-"
"I'm sorry if I'm being trashy, but I just broke up with somebody who I still love and have to learn how to deal with the fact that I'll leave the people I care the most about in a few months"
"Well, if you keep ignoring all of us like this then you'll lose us sooner than in a few months" As I'm about to reply the coach calls us outside for our performance.
When we step out of the changing room and go on the field I see Zay doing constant push-ups. I know perfectly that he's doing them to impress the coach. He's nervous about this scholarship too, almost as much as me. Today we need to give our 100% .
"Okay, girls. One, two, three...go!" I order and everyone follows my movements until we finish our routine. When we're done we sit on the benches and I hold my head with both my hands. I was terrible, I messed up everything. I gotta make up for it somehow...got it! I'm gonna do a higher backflip as a grand finale.
As the game is going on I constantly look back and forth between Zay and the coach. My friend is killing it but he seems unimpressed as he takes notes on his digital notepad.
"Go Zay!" I cheer him up as he's close to make a point. He's being chased by the whole rival team and is about to get caught.
"Run! Imagine it's Pappy Joe with a gun!" He seems to have heard me because he considerably speeds up and makes a point. Everyone joys and chants his name. Because of all the excitement I stood up and didn't even notice it. I turn around and see Riley being hugged by Missy. Her face shows extreme sadness. I must've really hurt her, I need to apologize.
"Hey, guys..." I say as I approach them.
"Peaches"
"I'm sorry, for everything. I have no excuses for being a jerk to you" I look at Missy.
"And to you too. I'm really sorry. I'll try to not let my love life affect my relationship with you guys, because you mean a lot to me"
"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have tried talking about...you know who. I was just trying to help"
"I know, thank you for that. I'm just not quite ready yet. But I promise that when I'll be ready you'll be the first person I'll talk to. For real this time"
"Really?"
"Yes. Ring Power?"
"Perfect" We high-five and get ready for the next performance.
I look over the bleachers and see my family and friends smiling at me, they look so proud, I can't disappoint them. And then I see the coach, judging me, wondering if I'm good enough, if I'm worthy of that scholarship.
We start dancing again and my anxiety is in a whole other level.
I take a deep breath and start dancing. Everything is going perfect until it's time for the backflip.
"Okay Maya, you can do this" I say to myself before finally jumping and putting that extra effort to make the initial jump higher. I land perfectly on the floor and give the audience a smile. I look at the coach and he just keeps writing on the notepad. Devastated, that's how I feel. I rush back to the changing room and undo my ponytail. Was our performance really that bad? I gave my all in there and it still wasn't enough.
Tears start streaming down my face as I feel like the oxygen in the room isn't enough. I see the lockers spinning and start hyperventilating.
Am I having another panic attack? I sit on the first bench I find and look at my trembling hands.
"H-Help?" No response. I look at the door and finally see it opening.
"Maya?"
"Riles...help" I see Missy coming in as well
"What is happening?"
"Call my dad, I think she is having another panic attack"
"Don't tell...mom and dad...don't...worry"
"Okay" Her girlfriend disappears and I start sweating
"Okay, remember what we've practiced. Try to breathe in, slowly"
"That's what I'm trying to do!"
"Maya..." Air still can't get through my lungs, no matter how hard I try. At last I hear the door opening again and see everybody surrounding me. From Farkle to Mr.Matthews.
"Okay, follow my finger" He orders me. I try to pay attention to it but I can't focus. Everything becomes more blurry until my vision meets black.

*hours later*

"Ugh" I groan in pain as I put my hand over my head, which hurts, a lot. I sit up from the bed I'm laying on but immediately feel two strong arms pushing me back. I open my eyes and recognize that this is Riley's room
"Dad, she woke up"
"Ell—"
"Hey, don't worry, everything's fine. You just had another panic attack"
"Maya, how are you?" I look up at the responsible adult and his worried wife.
"I'm good Matthews. I-I'm fine"
"Here, have some water" I manage to sit up and take the glass of water Lucas offered me.
"Wait, how—how did the thing with the coach go? Did I get in? What happened? We were supposed to have another number"
"Maya, calm down" Smakle says with a sympathetic smile
"Both you and I got the scholarship. We told him you had a family emergency" I smile widely and drink the glass of water gladly. I got in, one more scholarship and I'm good to go.
"What about my parents? What'd you tell them?"
"Oh, we told them everything. They're on their way right now because somebody else wouldn't tell them. Isn't that right, Cory?"
"Topanga, I just didn't want Shawn to worry. You know how he gets when it comes to people he loves"
"Are you good, Peaches?"
"Don't worry Riley. I'm okay"
"No, you are not. What happened that made you have the panic attack?" I tilt my head at Elliot. I need to talk to him. I can't ignore him, not anymore at least.
"Guys, can we have a little privacy?"
"Sure" All the people in the room leave.
"We need to talk"
"Only if you're ready"
"I am ready, Elliot. I'm just scared. You know how I am" He slightly chuckles, but I can tell it's a sad one.
"Yeah, I know you too well. But I wanna know what made you have that panic attack first"
"I-I guess it was just a mix of everything..All of you were there and then there was that damn coach that looked unimpressed by everything Zay and I did. And you were there too"
"Is it my fault?"
"No, no. Of course it wasn't. It's just that...it was hard for me because, well..." I sigh and look away, avoiding eye contact.
"I still love you, okay? And I wanna get back together, I really do. But we'll have to breakup eventually when I'll leave so what's the point of a relationship now if everything is gonna be over in less than four months?"
"Who said we'll break up when you'll leave?"
"It's just bound to happen. I don't want to tie you in a long-distance relationship for years and years. I want you to live your love life like a normal person"
"Can't you realize it?" I look back at him with a frown.
"Realize what?" He takes the glass I was holding with my hands and puts it on top of the drawer next to the bed
"You're the only one I want. You're the only one I love. Will I suffer knowing that my girlfriend is in another continent? Yes. Will that hurt me as much as knowing the only girl I've ever truly loved doesn't want anything to do with me? No" I sigh on frustration.
"This is why I didn't even want to start a relationship with you. I didn't want to hurt you in any way. But here I am, making selfish decisions for myself"
"Maya, you are not selfish for choosing what makes you the happiest, okay? We can work this out, I promise. I won't hurt you again like that. The conversation we had in your room was totally truthful. I do want to marry you and have children-in the future- I really do, because I love you and only you" He takes my hands in his large ones.
"Please, don't do this to me, to us, to yourself"
"Elliot..." He looks pleadingly in the eyes before crushing his lips onto mine. The kids is full of passion and lust. I can feel fireworks all over my body as he climbs on top of me, pinning my hands against the mattress to keep me still.
"I love you" I admit in between kisses.
"And I love you too, baby" He replies before taking advantage of our open mouths to slip his tongue between my lips. I happily give him more access and kiss him back with the same desire.
I fight to freed my hands from his grasp but he doesn't let me win. I want to touch him, I need to touch him. I've missed this feeling so much and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to contain myself any longer.
It isn't until he presses his pelvic area against mine that our bubble explodes as I remember where we are and the situation.
"Wait, no. El..."
"What?" He asks in a husky tone as he moves his mouth to my neck. I finally manage to get out his grasp and firmly push him away.
"We...We can't. I just told you we can't be together"
"Why is it hard for you to understand I only want you?"
"You may say that now because you still love me, but I'm sure you'll find someone else while I'm in France. I don't want you to miss out. Please, understand that. I don't want you to possibly meet the love of your life and not getting together with her because of me and I don't want you to regret all the things you didn't to because of me in 15 years and blame it on me"
"I could never, and you know it!"
"Elliot..."
"Maya, don't do this"
"Just-just get out, please. I need some alone time. He looks at me for a whole minute with a confused expression before finally leaving. When I hear the door close I start crying again. I hate doing this, but it's for the best of him.
When I hear a knock on the door I wipe the tears away and clear my throat.
"Yes?"
"Maya? It's us" Shawn announces as he barges in with my mom. They immediately run up to me and start checking on me.
"Are you okay?" I nod at my mom with a faint smile.
"Yeah, yeah. Just a bit tired"