Senseless

Chapter 15

I was shocked. I had never seen Dean like this. So aggressive and unstable. When we were back inside the house I could barely control myself from out bursting but I figured yelling at him wasn't going to make the situation any better.

"What's wrong, Dean?" I said with the most soothing voice I had, trying to calm him down.
He looked down. "I was scared. You weren't home. Don't you get it?"
"Hey, it's ok." I took his face between my hands, forcing him to look me in the eye. "I'm here."

I then noticed it. A cut on his left cheek.
I stepped back.
"What did you do while I was away?"
"It's nothing." It wasn't clearly nothing.
"Dean, it's fucking deep." He turned away.
"Stop being such a baby. Come on, we should put something on it."
He rolled his eyes and slowly followed me into the bathroom.

After I was done medicating him, we went back to the living room and decided we would watch some tv. We fell asleep on the couch after half an hour.

I then abruptly woke up in the middle of the night with Dean clung onto me. He was probably scared I would leave him like last time because he was holding me really tight. I slowly stood up and went into the kitchen. Made myself a glass of wine and stared blankly.

I then felt a first tear going down. And shortly after that another one. I couldn't help it. I started crying. I felt like something really heavy on the inside was hurting me and I wanted to get it out. The sobbing wouldn't stop though. I continued crying and crying. I fell from the chair and lied on the floor. I couldn't stand up, I felt like I was drowning in my own tears. I couldn't properly breath, I couldn't properly see. I just felt enormous pain. Just pain. I laid on the side trying to stand up, but it was so damn hard. I started screaming. I needed my phone, but it was out of reach. Dean came running into the kitchen.

"What is going on?" I wish I knew. I wish I had an easy answer. But I just didn't. I kept crying and crying lying on the ground. Dean slowly came closer and picked me up from the ground. I screamed and panicked. I didn't want this. I wanted.... I don't know what I wanted.

He brought me upstairs and put me on my bed. I lied there in complete silence, staring at the wall, shaking, breathing heavily. I wanted this pain to just be over. Dean lied next to me hugged me from behind and kissed me on the cheek. Quickly after I fell asleep.

The next morning, after waking up, I quickly turned around, trying to find Dean. He wasn't there though. I went downstairs and found him on the kitchen table looking at his phone. I said a weak good morning and he replied with a smile. I prepared a quick breakfast for both of us. I knew Dean. And that's why I knew too, that we weren't going to talk about what happened last night. Ignoring things is what he was best at. But frankly, there wasn't really much to talk about. The words wouldn't have come out anyway. So for once, I did appreciate the silence.

"I'll drive you to school ok?" He said raising his head quickly and then looking back at his phone.
"Ok."
He drove me with his motorcycle to school. When we arrived I took my helmet off and so, of course, how everybody was staring at me. Again. Dean was ready to leave when Liam came in our direction.

Oh god, not this again.

Hey :),
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