"You're what?!" David exclaims.
"I'm pregnant!" I reply as Zane, my husband, continues to keep the camera on David to capture his reaction.
"That's fucking crazy," He responds.
"Yeah, well, it's our life now," I reply.
This is the 3rd book to CRASH...
It's been a few months, and having to stay in this house, knowing a part of my heart is gone, I just.. I can't do it anymore.
It was incredibly hard to announce to the world that my son passed away from cancer.
It's hard to continue throughout our days without little Connor running around and being such a good kid.
I'm numb.
Zane and I aren't the same as we used to be. We barely talk to each other anymore, we go our seperate ways during the day and at night, we parent Mia together, without talking to one another, and after we put her to bed, we go our seperate ways while getting ready for bed.
We don't cuddle anymore, we sleep on our own sides, we have our own lives.
I still love him, I really do, and I wholeheartedly believe he's my soulmate.
But we're grieving.
We're gonna start going to therapy.
I'm going to individual therapy, and him and I are doing couples therapy together.
I might even get Mia into therapy. I want to stop the pain before it gets bad.
However, Zane refuses to go to individual therapy, the most I've spoken to him since Connor died was a fight we had, about me convincing him and pushing him to go to couples therapy.
He has gone back to his past self, constantly drinking and he hasn't posted a video since announcing that Connor passed.
He hasn't even been around our friends since we told them.
I've tried being productive.
The same day that Zane announced in a YouTube video that Connor passed, I released a song called Not About Angels, and I won't be releasing anything until mid 2020, which is about a year away.
"We just moved," He dryly responds, as he was scrolling through all of his unread text messages from mostly everyone in our friend group.
"And one of our babies just died, Zane! I can't live here anymore. I can't stop thinking about how Connor should be running around the corner right now, playing hide and seek with Mia, making noise and bringing a fucking smile to my face, but guess what? He's not going to, because he's dead!" I yell, tears rushing down my face as I'm now standing up.
He puts his phone down and sighs, as tears well in his eyes.
"You're right, Connor's gone. And there's nothing we can do to change that. But we can honor him by being amazing and better parents for Mia. And this whole, isolation towards each other isn't helping," Zane states calmly.
"And couples therapy is going to help with that, you've lost your first family member and I've now lost everyone except my dad and my siblings," I reply.
"But isolating ourselves to each other and our friends isn't going to help, we need to grieve in a healthy way," I add.
"Which means, you need to stop drinking. You've become an alcoholic, Zane," I finish.
He sighs and realizes that I'm right.
"Your eating disorder is back," He states.
"What? No it's not," I deny.
"What's the last thing you ate, and when?" He questions, looking directly in my eyes.
I stutter, trying to think.
He's right.
I haven't eaten since Connor passed.
"I think you should go back to rehab," He suggests.
I don't say anything for a minute, which lead to him explaining why I need to go.
"Okay," I give in.
He calls my manager and she sets me up in a new rehab clinic.
We decide to go out for lunch, get some sun and spend time together before I go to the clinic tonight.
Mia is currently at daycare.
We shower, and get ready, considering we're going to a nice restaurant.
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I also text our friend groupchat and tell them to meet us there, both Zane and I definitely need time with each other and our friends.
