SHE (bk 1)

ONE

Clementine

"Thank you so much for everything, drive safe," Clementine's smile started to fall as the door shut, an over exaggerated grin that she had held onto all day finally dropping. Her cheeks hurt and the burning sensation in her eyes started to appear as she thought about the day she had. 

The past week had drained whatever emotional and physical energy she thought she had, the exhaustion was clear from the dark bags under her eyes. There was no amount of makeup or color corrector that could save her from all the questions her guests asked continuously all night. She understood that they were trying their hardest to comfort her and make sure she was okay but telling someone they looked like shit was definitely not what great etiquette. 

Moving her eyes over her small apartment she scoffed at the mess her guests had left her, dirty plates and cups on every surface available. It was almost funny how many people asked how they could help or if there was anything they could do but seemed content with leaving her apartment a right mess. 

 She shook her head and easily removed the heels covering her blistered feet, walking past the mess in her living room, eyes set on something in the kitchen. Her fingertips brush the dust off the note stuck to the top before her gaze took in every word written, the beautiful handwriting of her mother recognizable. 

Clementine, 

Save this bottle for when I ring that bell for the fourth time,
remission is right over the hill for us. I love you always. 
-Mom

She feels her eyes gather the moisture she had been pushing back all day, the past week being something of a nightmare for her.  

Standing up in front of the funeral service to give the eulogy for the most important person in her life was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. No matter how well her words impacted everyone or how proud her mom would be, it didn't subside the ache in her chest every time she breathed. It was as if the second her mother took her last breathe it stole the air from Clementine's lungs, and took any comfort she ever had in life.  

Even after nearly a week the boulder crushing her chest was ever present, but she plastered a smile on her lips and handled the situation with grace. A grace her mother had worked hard to instill in her. 

Wiping the streak of tears staining her face she reaches out to grab two wine glasses, tucking the bottle under her arm. Moving quickly and with determination she throws a blanket over her shoulder while climbing out the window in her living room. She walked up the fire escape and appeared on the roof of her building that was lit up with clear fairy lights. They set them up for nights they couldn't see the stars, they made their own. 

Clementine set everything down on the small end table to the right of a maroon cushioned two seated swing, settling down into it with the blanket over top of her. Using all her strength she twists the cap and pops the cork out, the smell of the bitter red wine invading her senses.

She smiles gently as she fills up the two glasses equally before grabbing one for herself, "Mom I am so sorry, I wish you were here to share this bottle with me. I already miss you so much....I have no idea how I can even continue on with my days after this," her eyes focus on the ground as silence sits around her. 

Clementine didn't expect a response but that was all she craved as of lately, even if it was just one word, she longed to hear her mother's voice. "To you mom," she clinks her glass against the vacant one sitting beside her.

Drinking three big gulps she winces at the over powering taste of the alcohol that she never cared for but tonight she wouldn't let it bother her. This bottle of wine from her mother would be the one thing this week to take the pain away, the first thing this week to occupy her mind for even just an hour. It didn't matter if she was sitting on the roof alone imagining her mother was sitting right beside her, it just mattered in that second she didn't have to pretend. 

She had always just found it easier to smile and pretend she was happy than to try and explain why she wasn't. It may not be the right way to handle her feelings but it was all she knew. 

Shuffling slightly as she poured another glass her eyes caught the shimmering balls of light in the sky. A small smile pulled at the corner of her lips as a memory resurfaced in her mind, she loved the stars. 

~

A young Clementine walked slowly beside her mother as they left the cancer wing of the hospital building, her gaze sat steadily on the sidewalk. Her thoughts were jumbled and heart pounding against her rib cage, "It's not fair," she mumbled out gently. Her feelings inside matching the stormy, darkness sitting in the sky above them.

A hand stops her from walking and she looks up as her mother bends down to kneel in front her, eyes gleaming in the streetlights outside. Her skin was pale and the little patches of hair still on her head was covered by a colorful orange scarf, she was still so beautiful. 

"Life isn't always fair Clem, I always tell you that. There is nothing we can do but hope for the best," she brushes her fingers over the smalls girls cheek before leaning in to kiss her forehead. Clementine was twelve and plagued with a heavy heart. "Now they said it spread, how can that be?"

Her mother stays silent as Clementine looks down at her feet in frustration, her mother had enough stress to deal with. Lifting her chin up she sees her mother smiling gently and pointing at the sky full of dots of lights. "Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet Clem."

~

Clementine is deep in thought as the memory fades from her mind, a loud sound of ceramic breaking causing her to squeak out in surprise. Her heart beats a little faster when she notices a tall figure looming in the darkness, eyes wide as their gazes met. 

Who the hell is that?