SHE (bk 1)

TWENTY

Clementine sat calmly on the large white sofa as the two men sitting before her sang to each other back and forth. She believed the song he was writing was named 'golden', he had been singing the phrase 'you're so golden' for the past hour. 

She had never heard him sing before and Clementine was in a trance as he preformed right in front of her. Sometimes it was as if he was singing directly to her, calling her 'golden' but she knew she was being silly. He was probably speaking of Camille..

"Golden, golden, golden
as I open my eyes
hold it, focus, hoping
take me back to the light."

Clementine sits up to interrupt him, "What does that mean?," she asks curiously. The look on Harry's face is shocked and Mitch smirks as he looks between the two. "Take me back to the light?"

She inquires while trying to hold his focus but he looks away from her and peers over at Mitch who shrugs. "Um it's...um when you're in a dark place and someone comes along and pulls you back into the light. Helps you be happy again, teaches you when you thought you forgot."

Harry doesn't look at her but he sees the blonde tilt her head in thought, "That's so beautiful," she finally says making Mitch smile even wider, "Just to think you can be so low and have someone come along to remind you just how special you are...it's something everyone hopes for," she speaks and Harry smiles absentmindedly.

She was too good for him. 

"I know you were way too bright for me
I'm hopeless, broken
so you wait for me in the sky."

Clementine's mouth is permanently dropped open, his skill to turn her thoughts into beautiful lyrics was amazing. He was amazing. Knowing he was a singer didn't prepare her for this, this amount of passion and talent he exuded without even having to try. 

"Well I think we are ahead of the game on this song, who knew Clementine sitting here would give you so much inspiration," the smirk on Mitch's face made her face heat, she wasn't inspiration if anything she was a distraction. "I'm gonna pack up for the day."

As Mitch packed up all his stuff Harry and Clementine looked at each other, she had so many things she wanted ask him and he had so many things he wanted to say. He didn't know if he had the courage yet.

They both bid Mitch goodbye and Clementine looked to Harry in curiosity, "Who do you write about?," the words spill out before she can even contain them. She wondered who had grabbed a hold of him and pulled him back into the light, who had picked him from the darkness and started to make him whole again. 

He scratches the back of his neck, "Uh it depends...sometimes I write for my mom and sister but other times...ya know love experiences," he admits and Clementine raises an eyebrow.

"So who brought you back? Did Camille help you before she tore you down?," her question was so wholesome and endearing that he wanted to answer even when he shouldn't. He didn't want to talk about Camille with her because it made him feel hopeless and he draws on those dark days when he felt he wasn't worthy of love. That he wasn't worthy of anything good.

He clears his throat, "She started off like that...an angel who swooped down and kept me from drowning in my own thoughts. But then suddenly after about half a year she started to add to these dark thoughts, she made me feel like I was a burden on her," Clementines eyes softened in sadness, the thought of Harry being without any support made her uneasy.

"So eventually she broke up with me which I saw coming for so long but she had to tell me how exhausting I was to be with...how needy I was. I kind of withdrew into myself after her because if she doesn't want me who could?," Clementine smiled slightly at his confession. 

They had been in such different yet similar situations it was unnerving, "That's kind of how Max was to me, except he was an anchor. He did hit me a couple of times but one time he threw me down the staircase of my building when my mom was at a treatment. His phrase was always that I wouldn't make anyone but him happy and I wouldn't ever be good enough for someone else...that I was too ugly to attract other guys."

"I let myself be torn down but one time my mom saw him hit me and chased him out of my apartment building while she hit him with a newspaper," she chuckles, "It was almost comical until I saw how winded she had gotten from it, the radiation and chemo were a lot on her body. She went back into the hospital that next morning and never came back out, I always still believe it's my fault she outdid herself," her eyes look down at her lap, the thought of the doctor telling her this would be it. 

Biting the inside of her cheek she smiles weakly, "I blame myself for a lot of things in my life but this one I just can't get rid of. I feel like I killed my mom," a stray tear falls down her cheek, moving to wipe it quickly.

"Hey Clementine...she was really sick it was not you at all. I know you feel guilty but she had cancer and that had nothing to do with you," he grabs her chin with his pointer finger and thumb so she was looking directly at him. "Now I never met your mother but I believe she would never want you to feel like her being sick was your fault Clem."

She nods her head and bites her lip, 

"You're so golden,
I'm out of my head and I know that you're scared
because hearts get broken."

Harry's eyes spark and he grabs the notebook from the coffee table to write down the beautiful lyrics she had just came up with. "You're a natural...i'm gonna have to give you writing credits on this song."

Her laughter heals his dampened mood and makes him lean into her even more, they were sitting close enough to kiss but he wouldn't. He wanted her to realize just how special she was before he told her how he felt, he didn't want her to feel good because of him. 

Harry wanted her to find comfort in herself so she didn't have to look for it in anyone else. He knew it would take time but she was well worth the wait and he knew it.