SHE (bk 1)

THIRTY

Clementine's cheeks erupted into a shade of bright red as she sipped the margarita under Harry's watchful gaze, Gemma standing beside her to keep an eye. Harry turned back to Kendall who was looking at him with raised eyebrows, the redness to her eyes telling him his assumption was correct.

"Did you pressure Clementine into smoking? She is not in the right place to-," Kendall shushes him with a roll of her eyes and the crossing of her arms. She felt slightly irritated that Harry couldn't let the poor girl figure out anything for herself, if she wanted to try weed who was he to stop her?

"I do not believe you are her father Styles so let her live, she deserves to let go a little," her words make his stomach clench and eyes squeeze shut. He didn't want her to find comfort in substance abuse of any kind but how was he going to explain that to someone who wouldn't get it?

Kendall was always beyond happy and had things practically lined up for her from a young age so she wouldn't understand the struggle. Harry was always struggling to stay hopeful and ambitious so he used to drink...a lot.

He once found himself passed out behind a bar in an alleyway, his nose bloodied and eye a bright purple. When he was drunk he got himself into a fight with another guy who was much bigger than him, and even decided to cheat on Camille that night. 

She had gotten off the phone with him after saying how needy he was and made him feel as if she could have cared less if he was around or not. His plan was to drink until he forgot every single word she had said to him on that phone call but when he awoke every syllable was playing over and over in his head. She broke him down and shattered his confidence. 

He was a shell of a person who was trying to fill himself back up to be more himself, to not worry of what others thought of him. But it was hard when the one person you wanted acceptance from was the person tearing you down.

"She doesn't need that stuff Kendall...just think before you act next time," he pushes past the tall brunette who was still just as to confused as to why he was so furious. She thought he would be happy that Clementine was relaxing and having some fun after what had happened with Max last week.

Moving his way over to the small blonde who was talking with a rather bubbly Gemma he stopped to admire her. The blonde hair that was neatly curled now fell down around her like a platinum curtain, frizziness only adding to the messy appeal it held sitting on her shoulders. Her fingers pulling at her top every so often to conceal her breasts while Gemma slapper them away, tugging it down how it was supposed to sit. She looked mouth wateringly gorgeous, and Harry was going to take every second he could to admire the artwork that she was.

She deserved to be admired and soon he was sure he would be graveling at her feet for attention. 

"Are you alright?," he finally asks with a hooded gaze, her head tilting up to peer at the serious expression his usually joyful face held. It was almost scary since it seemed as if she upset him in someway, she didn't want to be another reason he wasn't happy.

She nodded, "I'm sorry I did that I just...I wanted to try it to help my anxiety and it helped a lot but I'm sorry I upset you...," Gemma's mouth parted slightly as she watched the small blondes bottom lip start to quiver.

She was about to cry at the fact she had upset Harry at all. 

"No do not apologize to him," Gemma's words catch both Harry and Clementine off guard as she crossed her arms in disappointment, "You are a grown woman and he is not your keeper so if you want to smoke some marijuana it is not his business....and you," her eyes turn to Harry who looks shocked and slightly angry.

"You should be ashamed of yourself making her feel bad for doing something you don't agree with...it is not your body so buzz off. I expect more from you brother," her head shakes and soon her hand links with Clementine who has never looked more sober than right now. 

Pulling her through the crowd they make their way through the front of the building and out onto the street of New York. The girls held onto each other as they passed through the line of people and onto the sidewalk where they walked side by side. Gemma wanted to take a walk and get to know her, possibly ask her some questions Harry wouldn't allow if he was around.

"You shouldn't let people talk to you like that ya know?," Gemma breaks the silence and Clementine bites her bottom lip as she winces slightly. The bottoms of her feet were killing her but she didn't want to upset Gemma who wanted to go for a small walk. 

She nodded gently, "I am just used to um...I'm used to-,"

"Being abused," her eyes widen slightly as Gemma finishes her sentence with what she assumed she was trying to word differently. "It's okay...I have been in an abusive relationship too, it's not easy to talk about and it's even harder to get yourself out of that mindset," she confesses and Clementine nods accordingly. 

She was absolutely right and it sounded so irresponsible but she just wanted to please the person she was with no matter the cost, she just wanted them around. Clementine had once believed that Max hitting her was his way of showing he was paying attention and it never occurred to her how stupid that sounded until now. 

"He won't be like your other boyfriend...I know he can be very abrasive in the way he thinks but he was in an abusive relationship too. Not so much physically but mentally and it really showed with how he acted," Gemma smiled softly at the girl who had brought her brother back from the depths of depression. The best part was that she didn't even know it. "You have really helped him and we can't thank you enough for being here for him when we can't."

Clementine bites her bottom lip nodding slightly, "My mother died," she blurts out making Gemma stop dead in her tracks. The blonde scratched the back of her head before turning to face the other girl, a questioning glare in her eyes. 

"I can tell you've been trying to figure me out since I got her...your eyes look right through me sometimes," she laughs slightly and Gemma frowns, "My mom died about a month ago...I met Harry the day of the funeral and I really believe he stopped me from falling into a pit of despair."

Gemma hadn't known Harry was helping her just as much as she was helping him, it was oddly beautiful that they had found comfort in one another. Meant to be almost.

"She had cancer and I thought I would never find anyone like her but Harry is so...he's so similar in his way of thinking and I can't help but be drawn in. It sounds stupid but it's almost like my mother sent him right to me," she whispers the last part and Gemma feels her eyes burn with tears. 

They had news for Harry that would not be going over well and this had brought up all of her horrible thoughts. "Robyn has cancer."

Clementine looks up immediately and frowns, "I'm sorry to hear that...how bad?," her question was for herself. She knew all the stages and types of cancer since she researched so much for her mother, it wasn't knowledge she liked though. 

Gemma takes a deep breath before answering, "Stage three Lung Cancer," she watched Clementine's face but she stayed stoic no matter how bad the answer sounded. It was an awful diagnosis.

"Harry doesn't know yet...that's why we came early, we wanted to let him digest it before Christmas," she tells Clementine who nods in understanding. 

Gemma had a look of pain on her face that she knew all too well, her hope was already diminished and her eyes losing their light. "Hey it'll be okay, there is a lot of things they can do before it gets worse," Clementine assures her but it doesn't seem to help. 

"I know my mom and I are doing okay but telling Harry...I don't know how he's going to take something like that. Robin practically raised him and was even his best man, to think he won't even be around during treatment he will go nuts," she stresses and Clementine frowns. 

She didn't want Harry to feel helpless but that was the only way she could describe herself as she watched her mother die. Clementine was absolutely helpless and at the moment she felt it creeping back up into her.

Now she would be absolutely helpless once again.