Idk how but he found me (Brallon)

35) 100 Bad Days

Brendon's POV

Man do I hate myself at the moment. Everything about this makes me hate myself even more. Patrick's terrified hurt look makes me hate myself. I regret every decision I've made that has led up to this moment. My heart feels like it's sinking and I can't stand it. I bite my bottom lip to help me hold back all the tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes. Patrick just silently stands in front of me with no words. Dally is besides me holding my hand but I've gone so numb that I can't even feel him. He's just disappeared into the pain and self hatred. A single tear slips from Patrick's eye.

"Okay." He bluntly says before turning to go back to the room.

"Okay, that's it no yelling? No telling me that I'm a fucking idiot for lying? Aren't you mad or at least upset with me?" I asks confused.

"What do you want from me Brendon? You know how important it is to tell us these things and you chose to lie." His voice is cold and emotionless. It's the scariest thing to hear. It's worst than Pete yelling at me by far. Everything inside me brakes.

"I'm so sorry Patrick. I-I didn't think... I wasn't thinking." I stumble out as tears flow down my face again. I look up and away from Patrick in hopes to hold back some tears but I fail.

"Yeah well it seems like you never think Brendon. You only ever do what's good for you. You never think how your actions effect others." Without another word he walks back into the room and without even looking I know he's gone. There was the sound of light wind in the room twice so I know Pete left with him as well. I just stay stuck in my place. Staring at the ceiling biting my bottom lip trying so hard to stop the flood from my eyes. God do I hate myself more than anything right now. I feel numb to all of my emotions except hate and all that hatred is pointed right at my head. I can't believe how I could be such a shellfish idiot. Lying to the angle that has saved my life and protected me. Just so I can savor a happy moment for a little longer.

"Bren please look at me." I can hear Dal talking but his voice feels so far away. My ears start to ring and I can't quite focus on him. "Brendon talk to me." I can hear his voice is shaky. I finally get my tears to stay in my eyes and it makes pressure build up in my head. The ringing in my ears gets louder and in hurts. The ringing in my ears gets violent. Without a word I turn and start walking down the hall. I feel Dallon grab my wrist right at the last moment. "You are not walking away again. We are in this together B you can't just walk away from me. From all of us. You made a mistake, we all make mistakes. Stop being a child about it and fix it."

"I just need five minutes Dally. Five minutes to think by myself." I mutter quietly.

"Five minutes Brendon then I'm coming to get you." I nod my head and he let's go of my wrist. I mindlessly walk until somehow I reach the stage. I look out to an empty arena. The numbness takes over as I sit in the middle of the stage. There are still crew members moving a few things around but most of the set up is done. I just sit there a stare into the rows of rows of empty seats. Seats that in a few hours will be filled with people. People who think they know me and love me but don't know what is currently going on. How fucking stupid I am and how much I just hurt everyone around me. I'm going to have to stand up in front of them and act. Act like I'm fine and happy. Act how they want me to act.

More than five minutes pass. I know that for sure, but I'm not sure of much after that. Suddenly there is a crowd of people piling into the venue and as soon as they get close they start screaming. They yell out my name and try to get my attention. I'm suddenly nocked out of my trance and back into painful reality. My head flicks around, across the crowd and to both my sides. I find Dallon sitting cross legged next to me. I stand up and wave a little to the people. Giving a forced smile and walk off stage. Dallon follows close behind me and as soon as we are out of site he starts talking.

"Welcome back to reality."

"Thanks. I guess I was there for longer than five minutes." I numbly say.

"Yeah, I came looking for you and found you sitting there. You would talk if even acknowledge my existence so I just sat there with you for a little. Ryan sat with us for a bit but he eventually left saying something about taking to Patrick." He explains.

"Oh." I just say. I stop walking and just lean up against the wall. I slide down it and sit on the floor. Dallon sits beside me and pulls me in closely. He hugs me tightly and rubs my back lightly. "Do you think I can fix it?" I ask and Dal doesn't answer right away.

"I think that both Pete and Patrick know you. Know that you can be stupid sometimes but you would never mean to hurt them in anyway." I can tell how careful he's being with his words. I just nod my head against his chest. He places a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

"Do you remember our first date?" He asks. "You told me we were going to a nice restaurant so I had to dress nice. I did and so did you and we drove past countless restaurants. We drove for about an hour until we got to this park. I was so confused, kinda thought u we're going to kill me or something." He laughs and I smile a little. "But you insisted that I follow you down this dirt trail. I was complaining because my nice shoes were getting dirty and I was starving. The sun was setting as I was scared of getting lost but you seemed so sure of where you were going. We walked for like 15 minutes down this trail until we went off this path and behind a few bushes and trees. You set up a beautiful picnic with fairy lights on the bushes and you had a speaker playing music. There was a beautiful blanket and a cute little basket. It was so romantic." He pauses and I smile as I remember.

"I was so nervous that you wouldn't like it or that you would rather go to an actual restaurant." I reminisce.

"I mean the food wasn't gourmet but that didn't matter. You made PB&J sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies and brought Cheerios in little bags." He laughs again.

"I couldn't think of anything else I could make and I know you like Cheerios." I laugh.

"The Cheerios was the highlight. It was the best night of my life until it started to rain. You forgot to check the weather for the night and it started to thunderstorm. We had to grab as much as we could and run back to our car. Our shoes and pants were covered in mud. You still owe me a new pair of nice shoes." He pauses once again before speaking again. "Brendon you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you so don't you dare make yourself believe that you only mess things up. You 100% do not that night was the best thing anyone has ever done to me."